Finally have the links to some of these released stories, plus one more.
“Chrysalis in Chrysanthemum,” my hardest-to-type title and a historical pregnancy body horror story, was chosen as an Editor’s Pick on Gavagai, a new site for horror writers and readers. You can read it for free at the link.
“Come In From the Cold,” another story in my “Lullaby” universe, is available now in Cemetery Songs Vol. 1 through Eldritch Cat Press. It’s a quiet, cozy kind of horror story, like the original. I loved revisiting this cemetery. The theme of the anthology is a cat, a song, and a graveyard. It’s free through KDP.
“Glory to God,” my grimy, irreverent novelette about a goddess and a gloryhole, is out now at Amazon in Dark Paths: A Queer Horror Romance Collection. This is one of my favorites, so don’t sleep on it.
Works in Progress:
Never & Forever (Meridian Book 8) is still chugging along. I should cross 100K words today. As soon as I’m done with this admittedly long section, the end will be in sight, thank goodness. What’s curious about this story to me is that there’s not a lot happening, but I’m still enthralled because so much of it is character friction rather than plot friction. I’m still not sure how much it works, but hopefully I can smooth out the sharper or wandering edges in edits.
My editor for In the Dollhouse We All Wait is in the middle of his edits now, and my indie editor for the May Cooler Heads Prevail novella is getting started as well, so I may need to shuffle some things around my schedule to adjust for receiving those, which means delaying We Follow You in the Dark rewrites and the Dracula reimagining adjustments. And I still need to put A Nightmare For All Seasons out, but it may simply be better to wait for spring, which is the season that starts the collection.
Books I’m Reading:
Raising Loki: A Memoir by Elliot Manarin Rose Madder by Stephen King
Things I’m Listening To:
Halloween playlist Silent Hill playlist
Things I’m Watching:
Halloween II (2009) Haunt Muppets Haunted Mansion M3gan 2.0 SWAT series Hannibal series Matlock series CSI: NY series CSI series Great British Baking Show series
Poem of the Week:
bone scored and sinew snapped muscle a ragged ruin caves and crevices made of feast flesh on a forest floor left a claw behind and fur in the cracks and tracks of long paw rat ventures into savaged tunnel and makes a brief warm home where it can eat the walls
I took on the “Glory to God” edits for A Coup of Owls and turned it back in. Still so pleased with that grimy little story.
My publisher got the edits for Tooth & Claw (Meridian Book 7) back to me faster than anticipated, so I’m working on that now. I hope to be three-fourths finished by the end of the day. I have a few extra days off of work, today and Monday, so I should be able to finish by the end of Monday. I’ll probably work on some short stories while I’m waiting for the final proofreading edit to come back. Then I’ll start writing the last Meridian novel, Never & Forever (Meridian Book 8). We’ll see if I’m capable of writing something long again.
Books I’m Reading:
The Fisherman by John Langan Raising Loki: A Memoir by Elliot Manarin Texas Bigfoot by Lyle Blackburn
Things I’m Listening To:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Score album Hannibal TV show soundtracks Synthesis by Evanescence Taking Chances by Celine Dion
Things I’m Watching:
Predator 2 The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen CSI: NY series CSI series 9-1-1 series The Amazing Race series Say Yes to the Dress: Tan France series America’s Got Talent series Brooklyn Nine-Nine series
Poem of the Week:
futility is concrete blocks on my feet looking for a lake shuffling along spark-ridden tarmac burning skin with rubber such a long way left to go till the water swallows the heaviness to steam
A Coup of Owls announced their 2025 line-up of novelette collections, and my raw, grimy, sexy story “Glory to God,” about a displaced goddess at a gloryhole, comes out in their Halloween 2025 collection featuring Othered horror romance. This is a story I conceived of over fifteen years ago but didn’t have the inspiration or guts to write until I was initially putting together my bathroom horror collection.
My body horror poem “Exhibit” is featured in this issue of Memento Mori’s free newsletter Morsus Vitae.
I did an interview roughly a year ago with the Merry Writers Podcast, and they posted it earlier in April, but I missed it. You can find it at a number of podcast places, but also here on YouTube. I talk a little about Question Not My Salt but mostly about my writing process and my love of the horror genre.
In addition, although “Turning Tail” didn’t win anything last month, my story “The Devil’s Bathtub” is a finalist in this month’s Crystal Lake Shallow Waters flash fiction contest, featuring the theme Fools. It should post for $5/month tiers and above on May 12. This one is a story I’ve wanted to write for a while, loosely based on a place on my grandparent’s land in the Ozarks.
Works in Progress:
I’d hoped that gig working during the afternoons and early evenings and being too tired during the nights would lead to more focused work during my mornings and my Wednesday ‘weekend.’ This has not been the case. I’m sorry, but this administration (federal and state) is soul-sucking, and the anger and helplessness I feel all the time is not conducive to productivity. When logic, reason, and compassion don’t work as arguments, my brain gives a near constant 404 error. It’s not good for me.
I’ve managed to make a dent on the first round of edits on Tooth & Claw (Meridian Book 7), but not as big of a dent as I would have wanted. My plan to finish the first round before doing second-round edits on Masque, however, remains. But I have to remember that Texas Frightmare is this month, and that takes at least three days off my schedule for writing. I want the world to be a better place so I can do my work, damn it.
Concerned that tariffs will eventually lead to less gig work for me as it finally hits inventory or to skintier tips (which we’re heavily dependent on, so remember to tip your gig workers).
Books I’m Reading:
The Fisherman by John Langan Playlist of the Damned edited by Willow Dawn Becker and Jess Landry Raising Loki: A Memoir by Elliot Manarin
Things I’m Listening To:
Old Favorite Playlist (basically everything I listened to in college) Svrcina It’s No Secret Anymore by Linda Eder Jekyll & Hyde: Resurrection Soundtrack Joanne by Lady Gaga Josh Groban by Josh Groban Kaleidoscope by Rachael Lampa The Last Five Years Original Cast Recording
Things I’m Watching:
Mufasa: The Lion King Talk to Me Ghosts (US) series Will Trent series Watson series Elsbeth series NCIS series CSI: NY series CSI series Criminal Minds series Slasher: Guilty Party series The Equalizer series Brooklyn Nine-Nine series The Bondsman series
Nothing to see here, other than fact that it seems appropriate that I’m finally watching all the Omen movies around the time of Damien’s birthday (which my nephew shares). I’d only ever seen the 2006 remake prior to this (it’s largely faithful to the original and I actually appreciate it more after watching the original), but I wanted to watch the rest of the franchise before tackling The First Omen, which I hear good things about.
Works in Progress:
I finished May Cooler Heads Prevail at 21,633 words. I still can’t say whether it’s a novelette or novella, since it could go either way in edits. I’m really pleased to have that concept story written and waiting for me when I’m ready to work on it again.
I then proceeded to throw my previous schedule out the window to attempt writing and editing a full alternative-history gothic novel, Masque, before the end of the month. I’m doing it to try to make a novel submission call, but also for myself. This story has been with me for years, probably since the mid-2010s. I’ve put off writing it all these years because it was one of those ideas where I would think, I’m not ready for this one yet. I need to cook more as a writer before I even try. I still have stories like that, and I’ve had stories that I tried to write before I gave myself time to cook.
I’m not sure whether I’m ready, but I’m 25K words in and still going strong. It helps that I wrote a comprehensive outline, which I think I will do for every story going forward so I can see where I’m going without having to hold the whole story in my head at all times. I just don’t have the attention bandwidth for that anymore, so my methods have to change. But the timing couldn’t be better, because it occurred to me while I was writing that I would not have been in the best position to write a plague story prior to COVID. I can and have read about plagues, but going through a pandemic answers questions you don’t think to ask and don’t always know where to find the answers.
The other wonderful thing about this story is that I’m going full-out gothic prose, with long sentences and giant paragraph blocks, whatever my heart desires. I cut my teeth on 18th and 19th century literature, and even Stephen King was of a more elaborate and gothic style for his time. The way I think very much resembles how these stories’ syntax was structured. I’ll clean and tighten it up in edits, of course, but it’s been fun letting the style run wild for now.
I’m going for my usual 5K words per day that I try to do for a novel. In theory, banging this novel out is entirely doable, depending on how much longer it is than my initial estimate of 100K words. As usual, we’ll just have to see.
Part of the reason for writing the novel instead of editing Crooked House (Thorns 5) is the frustration that I am still not employed and cannot yet spare the formatting costs. But as soon as Masque is completed, I’ll start Crooked House‘s final edits anyway. I may or may not be able to tackle a short story before the conclusion of a June call, but I can’t promise anything, and the story for it is more undefined than I’d like.
Books I’m Reading:
Mary Reilly by Valerie Martin The Tommyknockers by Stephen King
Things I’m Listening To:
Pop playlist The Village soundtrack Knowing soundtrack Sacrificium Instrumental Versions by Xandria Nightwish
Things I’m Watching:
The Omen (1976) The Exorcist: Believer Pearl Five Nights at Freddy’s Damien: Omen II Omen III: The Final Conflict Omen IV: The Awakening Summer Baking Championship series The Amazing Race series CSI series CSI: Miami series CSI: NY series 9-1-1 series
Poem of the Week:
no matter what you do whether you spin the world off axis untether sky from earth steal worth from paper and precious metals stain great lakes red marry the newly freshly dead you can always count on family to stand with you at the altar
No writing news, but we did have a pretty gnarly storm hit our neighborhood early Tuesday morning. I sleep with earplugs, so storms don’t usually wake me anymore, but this one did, and the way the wind and rain sounded against the window wasn’t right. Never heard it like that before. Usually, storms have a tendency to go around us, for whatever reason, but this one’s hail patch went right over us, and the part of it that eventually had tornadic rotation went over us before coalescing, which might account for the strange wind. All in all, could have been worse, but it gave us a pretty good scare at six in the morning, with straight-line and rotating winds around 80 mph.
The neighborhood lost limbs and sometimes whole trees, there was some structural damage around us, and the lawns and streets still look chaotic with twigs and leaves. After that storm, we’ve had more pass through, but nowhere near as strong. We still have humidity that puts us in a good position for these storms, but the first was so powerful because we were so hot as well as humid, and all these fronts have pushed that ahead of us. We’ve had about seven inches of rain since Tuesday, but there’s pretty good drainage around our area, so no flooding, and although power flickered, we were lucky enough not to lose it.
Works in Progress:
The weekend before, my period hit me hard not with cramps, except that first night and morning, but with intense fatigue. I pretty much fought falling asleep the whole time and wasn’t able to work.
I’m still working on my novelette/novella May Cooler Heads Prevail. I’m not even sure what genre it is, other than speculative—maybe fabulism—so I have no idea what I’ll do with it, but I’m just seeing where it’s going. Hope to finish it and the next short story before next Friday.
Books I’m Reading:
Mary Reilly by Valerie Martin The Tommyknockers by Stephen King
Things I’m Listening To:
Fumbling Toward Ecstasy by Sarah McLachlan The Blacklist playlist YouTube ambient videos
Things I’m Watching:
Insidious Shivers The Wicker Man (1973) Scary or Die The Frighteners Fantasy Island (2020) Summer Baking Championship series Under the Banner of Heaven series CSI series CSI: Miami series CSI: NY series 9-1-1 series Will Trent series Transplant series (finished) Jeopardy Masters series (finished) Bake Squad series (finished) Home Town series (finished) Murder, She Wrote series
Poem of the Week:
accuse me of willfully lying, of cleverly applied deception, glitter, wax, and rainbows obscuring your perception, but perhaps you might consider your own baffling misconception that my face came this way— what cunning self-contraception.
It’s my beautiful book birthday! Extreme family dinner horror novel Question Not My Salt is officially available as an ebook (paperback to come). It’s a short, rollicking, roiling read, and you can enjoy it any time of year or save it as a Thanksgiving treat. Thank you to Kenneth W. Cain and Crystal Lake Entertainment for everything they’ve done to help QNMS come to life!
Elaine Pascale gave a wonderful review at Hellnotes, saying, “Question Not My Salt left me questioning many things non-spice related. I questioned the place of torture porn in written horror. I questioned myself as I was devouring this piece of extreme horror as if it were a pleasant travel essay. I questioned why I was not reading more of Blake’s writing.”
Horror Reads, who provided my first review, included Question Not My Salt on his list of “Three Shorter Horror Books to Break Your Mind!” at his YouTube channel.
I also participated in a live podcast episode last night, the Panic Room Radio Show through Hellbound Books, to talk about horror and read an excerpt from QNMS and completely forgot to share that I was doing it so that people could, you know, listen live. However, I should have a link to the episode to share by next week’s update.
Works in Progress:
I’ve only ever had to scrap a novel once before, but I’m afraid I have to do that with Silver & Steel (Meridian 7), at least in its present incarnation. Character plans I had ended up changing when the characters decided to go in different directions, which then removed all the intended external conflict, and in urban fantasy, external conflict is essential. I stopped writing around 35K words in, which is better than the last time I quit a novel, which was at over 70K words.
I’ve summarized a few intended scenes, suggested a few changes, and asked myself some questions that can give me the framework for a new novel, which I’ll probably write later this year so I can put some distance between this version and the next. I would still like to finish the Meridian series this year, but I’m noodling on adding one or two novels to the list, so that may be out of the question anyway.
I’m frustrated, because I wanted that under my belt, or mostly so, before I started looking for employment and hopefully getting hired somewhere. But I didn’t want to waste any more of my time on a novel that was sputtering.
Right now I’m working on a novelette that I don’t really know what to do with, but it’ll be ready, whatever that is. Next week, I polish my resume and start submitting applications, and I’ll probably proceed to edit Book & Candle (Meridian 5) in the afternoons and evenings.
Books I’m Reading:
IT by Stephen King Midnight Blue-Light Special by Seanan McGuire Ending in Ashes by Rebecca Jones-Howe
Things I’m Listening To:
Billie Eilish Fleurie Ruelle Lily Kershaw Once More With Feeling soundtrack Stigmata soundtrack
Things I’m Watching:
Contracted Contracted: Phase II Buffy the Vampire Slayer series (watchalong) Angel series (watchalong) CSI series The Mentalist series The Irrational series Helix series Queer Eye series Ghosts (US) series Not Dead Yet series All Creatures Great and Small series Murder, She Wrote series
Poem of the Week:
I cannot promise sunrise over massacre scene, nor unburnished gold or sterling silver clean. Stars will reflect red where moon will demean, your fairest flesh shine unfairly unknown, unseen except by the feral, the cruel, and the mean. When I have no more rubies and hungry times are lean, will you still bleed for me, my beautiful, bloody Queen?
We started with gargoyles, went on to succubi, and now we have vampires! Strange & Familiar, the third standalone novel of the Meridian series, is officially out on Amazon and Totally Bound under my other name.
He has turned her into the humblest of slaves, eager to satisfy his every command and serve his bloodthirsty appetite—as well as a few unusual appetites of her own.
This isn’t the first or last time I play in familiar waters. Next Meridian novel comes out later this year.
In personal news, I reinjured the leg (again). Different part of the muscle, grade 1 strain instead of 2, so I can walk, but it takes me a few steps back in progress. Grade 1 strains can take two to three weeks to heal, and I’m following the original principle of not getting back on the elliptical until I can walk barefoot almost normally. So I’m a sedentary kitty again. With the polar vortex, I haven’t even been able to walk much, although yesterday was beautiful.
(content warning: food, diet, eating habits)
Which means I’ve had to accept the fact that I really can’t depend on aerobic exercise, perhaps for another few months, to counter my appetite. I didn’t realize the last time I took it, but the metformin I restarted is a mild appetite suppressant, so it’s been easier to start scaling back on intake.
This confirms to me what other people seem to have a hard time understanding: It’s a lot easier to do things that you want to do; and the corollary, it’s a lot easier to not do the things you don’t want to do. I haven’t accomplished this on willpower (which isn’t actually a thing, but people think it is). My desire to eat is being suppressed, so I don’t want as hard as I did before, and the feeling of being hungry isn’t as unpleasant. Controlling insulin helps with that, too, because I’m more effectively using the food I do eat. I’ve never eaten a lot, just a little more than I should. With the help of medicine, I’m managing to eat less without as much frustration. I’m not withholding too much, I want to reiterate. I’m just not adding a lot of caloric extras to my day, and the ones I like, I’m able to cut down by half or more and remain satisfied by them.
In just two weeks, it’s made an impact. We’ll see how sustainable it is.
Works in Progress:
I went ahead and edited all four short stories plus the Hear You Scream novelette for submission calls, and all of them have been submitted. I still have one cli-fi novelette to edit, but there’s no hard deadline for that one, and I’m not in the zone for it.
So, next up is editing erotic horror novella A Woman Alone, which ought to be a lot of fun. I’ll be trying to punch up the gothic horror elements and trying to cut it down to meet the submission call’s maximum word count, which means cutting about 8-10K words. We’ll see how it goes.
Books I’m Reading:
IT by Stephen King Midnight Blue-Light Special by Seanan McGuire Ending in Ashes by Rebecca Jones-Howe
Music I’m Listening To:
Halloween playlist
Things I’m Watching:
Insidious: The Red Door (disappointing) Buffy the Vampire Slayer series (watchalong) Angel series (watchalong) White Collar series The Mentalist series Transplant series Found series (finished) Helix series All Creatures Great and Small series Hometown series Murder, She Wrote series
Poem of the Week:
barren as a wicker basket lingering from centuries past useful for what won’t slip through fingers of corn husk and fern but watch ash slither through like sand to spill onto dust bowl floors and through the cracks to have and to hold you and let you go
Nothing of a writerly nature, unless you count a light redesign of the website.
However, as I wrote in a previous entry, I injured my right leg, assumed a grade II tear of the calf muscle. I was progressing all right, with some stumbles on the way, but about three weeks ago I tried using the elliptical machine. I felt okay on the machine, but after, I felt the strain. The healing process regressed, but worse, it didn’t improve much after and there’s consistent over-stress in everything between the ankles and knees.
So I went to the doctor today, and I’m getting an MRI tomorrow to determine what might be going on and how to proceed. My health insurance is basically catastrophe insurance, so I’m paying out of pocket, if you’d like to help. I’m not going to go broke, though, so don’t feel any pressure.
In less grave news, I’m finally buckling down and watching the end of MCU Phase 3. The length of the Avengers movies is prohibitive, but I’m committing to it this weekend. That’ll make proceeding with Phase 4 while working out easier (if I’m ever able to work out again).
Works in Progress:
This last week was something of a pet project week.
I wrote a novelette version of We Follow You in the Dark with more short-story pacing to see if I could write something closer to the original vibe. Because the short version and the long version have the same setting but different characters and outcomes, it’s less like a different version and more like different stories in the same universe. I’m still pursuing publishing the novel, and novelettes are murder to sell. I’m thinking about providing a collection of short story/novelette versions of longer stories, kind of a ‘what might have been,’ because, strangely enough, I happen to have written more than one of these. So they’ll be useful eventually, but for now, it was more of an experiment.
I also wrote a long short story that was supposed to go one way and ended up another, and was definitely supposed to be shorter. It’s too long to sell as a short story and too short to sell as a long story, but it’s weird and erotic and uses some of my for-funsies college subjects. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with it, but it was great fun to explore that world. My wanting to finish it is why I’m writing this so late.
This week, we had a break in the three-digit heat with a delightful false fall, so I worked outside on our porch for most of the week (see the photo above). Tomorrow will probably be the last day I can do that for a few more weeks, but I assure you, the mosquito bites were worth it.
Coming up, I have a short story I need to edit and send back to the editor. Then I’ll be doing my proofreading run of Puppeteer (Thorns 4).
Books I’m Reading:
IT by Stephen King Discount Armageddon by Seanan McGuire Cruel Summer by Wesley Southard Pornography for the End of the World by Brendon Vidito
Music I’m Listening To:
Halloween playlist (it’s that time of year)
Things I’m Watching:
Grave Encounters Devil Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978) The Wrath of Becky The Avengers: Infinity War America’s Got Talent series Dr. Pimple Popper series CSI series CSI:Miami series Murder, She Wrote series White Collar series Locke & Key series Buffy the Vampire Slayer series
Poem of the Week:
You’re looking for my sister, you say? Well, you just missed her on her way to the graveyard for our father’s funeral. Such a yawn, gravestones and funereal blacks, but someone has to represent a repressed and resentful family. She’s the one who stands to gain the least, so she could not have slain that beast.
I’ve been having trouble putting together this end-of-year list because of a deep sense of despair and hopelessness for this future, be it this year or five years from now. I recognize this as depression, partially situational and partially bad brain chemistry that I don’t treat with medication, just sort of learn to live with. As a result, I can build momentum without motivation, and I will proceed with plans made, but God, it’s hard to believe in myself.
2022 was the year that I finally gave up the ghost at the job I’ve been paying the bills with for eight years. My last day is next Friday, and even though it was my decision, I can’t help feeling like it’s a kind of failure that I couldn’t make it work. I suppose it’s like a bad marriage in a way. You know it’s best for everyone if you separate, but you invested all of this time that now feels like it yields nothing. And that’s where I’m mentally stuck right now, although I have general plans of pivoting industries and I have the privilege of a financial cushion.
I’ve tried to pivot before, and it didn’t go so well, so I’ve got that failure hanging over me to remind me that this may not work out. I have back-up options if that happens, but it’s still not the best personal encouragement for making such a big change.
Less depressing changes in my personal life include getting to watch my niece grow so much between turning one and turning two. She’s gone from being a baby to a little girl with opinions and personality, and being called Tía is strange and amazing.
I’ve also had a banner writing year because of a slew of poems and short stories sold, which is the kind of encouragement I needed and tells me that I’m doing something right. Between flat rates and royalties, I made over a thousand dollars, which is a milestone I’ve never reached before. Now, because of PUPPETEER professional edits, I spent significantly more, so I still haven’t made an actual profit, but getting paid pro rates on some poems and short stories is incredibly gratifying.
Because of quitting my job and having a block of unpaid months, I’m going to make it a point in 2023 to write and edit more with the aim of selling. I have a handful of longer works that need to be edited for submission, and I’m going to take my ‘sabbatical’ to do that as well as get some sleep (rest and rejuvenation).
This year didn’t produce any self-published novels because I had other deadlines to meet, but here are my stats for writing this year, not including the editing work done on those novels with an aim for self-publishing this year. Considering I never thought I could do short form or poetry well, I’m tremendously proud of my short-form writing accomplishments, if frustrated by how far behind I am on my novella/novel schedule. I also can’t thank Quill & Crow enough for seeing value and beauty in so many of my gothic and horror pieces in 2022.
– wrote at least one flash poem a day, including a 31-part long concept poem for December – wrote 15 short stories, 1 novelette – planned to finish a novel by the end of the year and start a new one, but dayjob required a lot of overtime and energy in December, so I’m almost finished but not quite – published 3 poems and 6 short stories, with more to be announced and published in 2023
Poetry:
“Goddamned,” Crow Calls: Volume 4, Quill & Crow Publishing House, June 12, 2022 “The Chase,” Crow Calls: Volume 4, Quill & Crow Publishing House, June 12, 2022 “An Empyrean Con,” Bloodless, Sliced Up Press, October 28, 2022
Short Stories:
“Resin,” Beyond the Veil, Ghost Orchid Press, February 9, 2022 “A Still and Weathered Stone,” The Crow’s Quill, Quill & Crow Publishing House, June 2022 issue “Tastes of Desperation,” Tales from Brackish Harbor, Quill & Crow Publishing House, August 13, 2022 “Lullaby,” The Crow’s Quill, Quill & Crow Publishing House, October 2022 issue “Wandering Lights,” Halloween Horrors, Black Widow Press, October 13, 2022 “Ragged,” The Crow’s Quill, Quill & Crow Publishing House, November 2022 issue
It’s my plan for 2023 to continue submitting new and trunk work to short story and poetry submission calls, but I’m going to focus more on long form this year, including completing some of my contracted novel work and wrapping up stories already slated for self-publication (with editors already paid for editing work on most of them). But anything else as yet unassigned for self-publication, I’m going to either try to submit to good indie presses (novellas and shorter novels) or find representation (longer novels). I may still self-publish for creative control, but I might not be able to afford to do it for a while because I’m saving for an associate’s degree.
Among self-published works coming out this year, I have PUPPETEER (Thorns 4); OUT OF CURIOSITY AND HUNGER (formerly THE VERY HUNGRY), a short creature feature novel; and DEAD ENDS, a collection of morbid and macabre poetry, most previously published on social media (so I can’t sell most of them), but some have never been posted before.
I’m sick to my stomach from blowing up my life with no guarantees, because I’m not a gambler and I much prefer a sure thing, but I’m going to press on anyway, because that’s just what I have to do and have always done. And I’m going to get some rest, because that’s what I need.
Here’s hoping that writing continues to be fruitful and fulfilling and that 2023 ends up better than it feels right now.
Amanda M. Blake 