Another brick in the wall: Friday Update

17 Friday Jan 2025

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News:

Under my other name, Book & Candle (Meridian Book 5)—a witch forms a conditional alliance with a veteran demon hunter to find her friend, who was taken by succubi—is available for preorder. This one involves contractual obligations, itching spells, and older characters, though still a significant age gap. It was great fun to write a powerful character in an unusually vulnerable position, and I hope it’s just as enjoyable to read.

My horror poem “Dunce,” about a child forgotten in a corner, is available to read for free in Memento Mori Magazine‘s free newsletter, Morsus Vitae, here.

Had a doctor’s check-up and had a long talk (which I greatly appreciated) to determine where I go from here this year on my health journey. I don’t anticipate the blood tests will show much improvement in my problem areas, unfortunately, but at least I have a path to take for some of my other issues that I can’t afford to push off much longer, even if I hope they’re not something too bad. Based on prior experience, I’m probably fine (in the sense that my issues won’t harm me, even if they’re not the most fun things in the world), but your body’s warranty runs out at thirty-five, so I can’t lean on that assumption anymore.

Whether or not I’m successful at finishing up the DRI and Masque edits before the end of the month, I’ll be signing up to work for Instacart. The gig economy is not ideal, of course, but I need money flowing in instead of out (not least to cover medical costs), and I actually like grocery shopping, so it may be a good fit. I’ll be easing into it in February, figuring out my best schedule and hopefully not venturing too far from home.

Works in Progress:

I was supposed to start editing the Dracula reimagining, but I’m having a hard time focusing. I’ll be trying again today and shooting for finishing in a week and a half or less. Honestly, though, I’m not sure what the inauguration is going to do to me.

However, I did manage to write two pieces of flash, both of which got sent out to their respective submission calls in good shape, so it was still a productive week.

Books I’m Reading:

The Fisherman by John Langan
Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
Sister, Maiden, Monster by Lucy A. Snyder

Things I’m Listening To:

Christmas playlist
Dracula soundtracks

Things I’m Watching:

101 Dalmatians (1996)
102 Dalmatians
Grotesquerie series (finished)
Celebrity Jeopardy series
Grey’s Anatomy series
The Equalizer series
Found series
The Irrational series
Abbott Elementary series
Home Town series
White Collar series
NCIS series
CSI series
CSI: NY series
Columbo series
Broadchurch series

Poem of the Week:

there aren’t as many stars
anymore i have to squint
to see more than haze
or shadow on the moon
maybe it’s how much i drink
or the long long days
maybe i’m just tired
or maybe the sun wants to sleep
come inside my darling
the light is getting dim

Snowed in: Friday Update

10 Friday Jan 2025

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Oh yeah, it’s Friday. Sorry, been snowed in since yesterday, so time has no meaning. And this is Texas, so snowed in pretty much means that there is snow or ice and it’s sticking, so Amanda doesn’t go outside in it. Amanda doesn’t do wet cold.

News:

I’m back in the Shallow Waters contest at the Crystal Lake Patreon ($5/month tiers and up). This month’s theme is Liminal Spaces, and my story, “Delirium,” comes out around January 29, the second to the last in a group of 20 pieces of flash fiction. Join us if you like bite-sized themed horror fiction.

Preorders for WriteHive’s cozy speculative anthology Rescuing Curiosity are open now, coming out March 6. My story, “Marginalia,” is part of this one. I rarely write cozy or stories set in the future, so this was out of my comfort zone twice.

Works in Progress:

I finished the first edit/rewrite round of Masque two days ago, taking the story from 110,972 words (including about 4K words of notes and outline) to 97,811 words, which is a perfectly respectable number. So that’s the first rounds of the Dracula reimagining and Masque done and dusted. I’m taking a few days off to do a few smaller things before diving back in. The submission call I anticipated isn’t open, so I’m not in a hurry to meet a hard deadline by end of the month.

The last two days, I’ve been furiously working on getting A Nightmare for All Seasons for publication, including purchasing an affordable cover, reading the poems out loud to make sure they’re right, writing the introduction and the back cover copy, creating graphics for the main title page and section title pages (which I’ve never done before, and I’m really proud of myself for doing through Canva for free, even though they’re basic; it takes the book to the next level and emphasizes that these are five discrete sections), and meticulously formatting the uploaded document in Atticus (which had already paid for itself before this). Atticus is set up for prose, not poetry, so it’s fiddly, but I’m really happy with the end result.

I’m waiting on getting the cover back, and I have to also wait on some outstanding poems on sub, because I didn’t know I was going to include Lullabies for an Apocalypse in the collection when I sent those poems out. At this point, I’m hoping I can self-publish this sometime in February if I receive rejections. Longer, though, if something’s accepted and I have to account for exclusive rights. Yes, if someone’s willing to pay me for poetry, damn right I’m delaying for a pet project few people are going to read. Either way, it’ll be ready. I should set it up in the Poetry/Short Story page tomorrow.

Through the weekend, I think I’ll work on a few flash fiction pieces on the docket. Then I should be able to start on second-round edits for the Dracula reimagining.

Books I’m Reading:

The Fisherman by John Langan
Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
Sister, Maiden, Monster by Lucy A. Snyder

Things I’m Listening To:

Christmas playlist (finally got through the whole collection, which is a lot, and now I’ve got it on random until I start working on the Dracula reimagining again)

Things I’m Watching:

Miracle on 34th Street (1947)
A Charlie Brown Christmas
Jumanji
I Saw the TV Glow
The Holiday
Barbie
Murder, She Wrote: The Celtic Riddle
Wishmaster 3: Beyond the Gates of Hell
Glass Onion
Wishmaster 4: The Prophecy Fulfilled
Prince of Darkness
Brilliant Minds series
Found series
The Irrational series
Abbott Elementary series
Home Town series
Longmire series (finished)
Great British Baking Show: Holiday Edition series (finished)
Monk series (Season 6 finished for New Year’s binge watch)
Columbo series
CSI: NY series
S.W.A.T. series

Poem of the Week:

take care not to offend
your friendly neighborhood
coven of witches
lest your foolishness
burst from you like stuffing
and leave you in stitches

Resolute (7)

31 Tuesday Dec 2024

Posted by in A Few Thoughts, Novelettes/Novellas, Novels, Poetry, Series, Short Stories, Thorns, Writing

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I think I’ve figured out that I just don’t like birthdays and the end of the year for the same reason. I don’t like looking back and feeling like I’m not where I want to be, nor do I like looking forward and not seeing much better there either. Although I have reverse SAD rather than regular SAD, I am a little affected by the extra darkness, especially when we’ve had gloomy weather, too. Maybe less light makes me less optimistic in general. Of course, there are other reasons why I feel like I’m holding my breath when I look ahead. Not going to go into it. I’m doing my best to cope, although my best still isn’t great.

(CW for this paragraph: Weight issues) I feel like, although I’ve been able to get back into movement and exercise, which is good, I’m in a losing war with my weight. I had to do insane amounts of high-resistance elliptical to even make a dent before, but prior to the leg injury in 2023, weight was already starting to creep back up. Since college, I’ve gained and lost significant amounts of weight four times, and this most recent weight gain is fifth. My brain is tired of self-denial and categorically refuses to give up certain things when it’s already given up so much; plus, FOMO when I worry that certain things aren’t going to be available to the same degree in the future. And I am tired of being at constant odds with my body. Before the injury, I feel like my body and I had reached a kind of detente, because I could say that at least I was strong and my blood tests said I was healthy. Detente ended around this time last year when I had gained back all the weight from not being able to exercise. It’s been a long struggle, frustrating because you can never just go back to the way you were eating before. You always have to give up more and more and more, and the goalposts of what you can achieve always move.

However, this time last year, I was still injured and healing, still limping, still in pain. Today, I’m walking mostly normal, if a little chaotically when I’m stiff. Still a slight limp sometimes, but no more pain. The main injury has (perhaps irreparably) weakened the leg, though, so I can’t up the resistance on the elliptical without causing strain in the compensating muscles. Even so, walking without pain and able to do cardio and play a full-movement game like pickle ball (which I started with neighbors this year) are all improvements.

My writing sabbatical was only supposed to last one year, but inability to find a new job made it last another. Election Day took some serious wind out of my ability to write, so I had to scrap a few end-of-year plans, and the stress of not finding a job at the beginning of the year surely contributed to my issues with writing what eventually became Tooth & Claw (Meridian Book 7). Naive little me really thought that, because I knew I was capable, I would be able to find a job in a few months, and it’s tremendously humbling and somewhat humiliating to not be able to. In the new year, I’ll probably have to join the gig economy, but I really need money flowing in, and after twenty years in the writing business, it’s still really not coming from that quarter.

In 2024, I made a little more than half what I made writing in 2023. It was a three-figure year. Some of that isn’t on me. The indie horror scene contracted significantly, thanks to billionaires behaving badly: Amazon removed its zine subscription service, which killed all but the biggest zines that were able to cobble together subscriptions in other ways; Musk bought and tanked Twitter; and gen AI overwhelmed submission calls (and their slush readers) with unsolicited slop. (I imagine the banning of TikTok will also have a significant market effect, because BookTok was a big viral push for word-of-mouth marketing, but I don’t hang out there personally.) There were also generally fewer calls from shuttering indie presses. Too many hungry writers (layoffs and post-lockdown changes likely played a role), and not enough well-paid opportunities. Like the job market in general. The indie horror boom is probably over, for now.

Some of it was on me, though, because I focused on writing long-form this year rather than producing new short-form stories, including writing for specific calls. Variety is good for me, so that wasn’t really my fault so much as a consequence of my 2024 plan. However, I did publish the following short stories:

“Hell Come Home,” Shallow Waters Flash Fiction 2nd place winner, Crystal Lake Entertainment, February 9, 2024
“Full,” Shallow Waters Flash Fiction 2nd place winner, Crystal Lake Entertainment, March 19, 2024
“Indigestion,” The Last Girls Club Spring Equinox 2024 issue, March 21, 2024
“Graphite,” The Pleasure in Pain: A Queer Horrotica Anthology, Dragon’s Roost Press, March 31, 2024
“Eye Spy,” Shallow Waters Flash Fiction finalist, Crystal Lake Entertainment, April 13, 2024
“The Glitter of Bile,” Cosmic Horror Monthly Issue 47, May 1, 2024
“Second Chance,” Shallow Waters Flash Fiction finalist, Crystal Lake Entertainment, May 12, 2024
“Snot,” Shallow Waters Flash Fiction 3rd place winner, Crystal Lake Entertainment, July 22, 2024 (as “Sea Snot”)
“Predatory,” Shallow Waters Flash Fiction finalist, Crystal Lake Entertainment, August 22, 2024
“Nuisance Notifications,” Found 2: More Stories of Found Footage Horror, edited by Gabino Iglesias and Andrew Cull, October 25, 2024
“Six,” Screams, edited by Judith Sonnet, December 1, 2024
“Hell Come Home,” Hotel Macabre, Vol. 1, Crystal Lake Entertainment, December 13, 2024

I would say that “Hell Come Home” is probably my best received short story this year, although “Graphite” and “Six” also got some attention.

I also sold some great poetry this year:

“Cleanse,” Querencia Press Winter 2024 issue, January 31, 2024
“All of Us Witches,” Small Wonders Magazine Issue 12, June 19, 2024
“Vernal,” Renascentum: Crow Calls Volume VI, July 15, 2024
“Keeping Secrets,” Breath & Shadow Volume 21, Issue 2, December 13, 2024

“All of Us Witches” is probably the best received, and I was really happy that it found a place. For the volume submitted, poetry is probably the hardest to sell.

In addition, the following novels came out in 2024:

Strange & Familiar, Meridian Book 3, Totally Bound Publishing, January 16, 2024 (as Aurelia T. Evans)
Question Not My Salt, Crystal Lake Entertainment, February 16, 2024
Crooked House, Thorns Book 5, self-published, September 7, 2024
Avarice & Creed, Meridian Book 4, Totally Bound Publishing, October 1, 2024 (as Aurelia T. Evans)

Question Not My Salt was my first traditionally published novel under this name, and it’s been more reviewed than anything else I’ve done. Despite the fact that it’s extreme horror (mild for extreme, but extreme for regular horror), it’s also been mostly well reviewed; it seems like people have had gross fun with it.

Crooked House was the soft ending for Thorns, in that, if I died without putting out another book, the series would end with a satisfying resolution. Thorns has been an amazing series for me, allows me to go to the dark places and do the kinds of stories I’ve always wanted to do, and to play around within the fairy tale sandbox. I had planned to resume the Thorns series in 2025, but that will depend on my ability to, you know, write. Even so, I’m looking forward to the Thorns still to come.

Strange & Familiar and Avarice & Creed brought my gothic urban fantasy series Meridian to its halfway point. There’s something about my green-colored books under my Aurelia T. Evans name. Avarice & Creed, Skeletons, Cry Wolf… They’re kind of my low-key favorites, although my red-colored books (Fortune, Ringmaster, Strange & Familiar) are more obviously so.

I’m not going to do an analysis of my short-form acceptance rate this year, because when I checked in July, acceptance rate was about 1-2%, compared to 7-8% in 2023, and it didn’t really improve through the rest of the year. You can hope for improvement, but you can’t really set goals to be published more, because you actually have no control on the traditional publication side of things, only in what you finish. But like I said earlier, I also mostly worked on long-form, which is often a lot of work for less likely reward, and the whole process from creation to publication (if it even happens) takes such a long time—the very definition of working on spec.

This year, I wrote 14 short stories, and of course, I wrote a ton of poetry until November, when I had no more poetry left in me, and that still hasn’t come back. I may return to flash poetry in January 2025 to test those waters.

I also finished the following long-form stories/collections:

Tooth & Claw, Meridian Book 7, erotic gothic urban fantasy novel (possibly end of series)
May Cooler Heads Prevail, supernatural novella
A Nightmare for All Seasons, seasonal horror poetry collection
Masque, gothic alt-history novel
The Damp, gothic horror novella
The Dracula reimagining, found-footage/modern epistolary horror novel

(I’m not being coy by not sharing the DRI title. It’s just a bit spoilery about the concept, so I don’t want to share it until it’s going to be published, traditionally or on my own.)

Writing Masque and the Dracula reimagining were serious bucket-list novels, things I had played with the idea of for over a decade, so the fact I wrote them because I was finally ready, and I like what came out, is really an achievement. I really wanted to write one more long thing this year, like I said, but that ended up a bust. I edited a good number of my long-form pieces, though. Some of them are on sub; some are waiting for the right call.

For now, I have plenty of things to edit before I absolutely need to attempt writing something new in 2025. In January, my primary goal is to finish the edits of Masque and the Dracula reimagining. As soon as that’s done, I’ll self-publish my seasonal horror poetry collection, A Nightmare for All Seasons, to which I’m adding a new season: the last, with my short collection Lullabies for an Apocalypse. Then I’ll edit Tattered & Torn (Meridian Book 6) and probably fix and proof May Cooler Heads Prevail for self-publishing.

At that point, I have a number of things I can do, depending on ability and finances. There’s more edits, there’s short-form writing, there’s shorter long-form, and there are any number of sequels to tackle (for Thorns, UA, possibly Meridian), not to mention the rewrite of War House that I keep putting off. I have a general schedule set, but it’s flexible, as always. I could also do other creative endeavors, like drawing, piano, or cross-stitch.

All of this presuming that things don’t blow up as much as I’m worried they will. I’m bracing for impact; just because I can’t sustain paralyzing fear indefinitely doesn’t mean the fear isn’t there, and bad. Hope is certainly in short supply.

The Trial

28 Saturday Dec 2024

Posted by in Poetry

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(Here’s a poetry gift for you at the end of 2024.)

You stand before God.
You stand before man.
And we ask you
to make us understand
how a sweet little girl
could derail the divine plan
with a smile, as only
a good little girl can.

You put me on trial
for such slight indiscretion.
Have a little fun,
They call it demonic possession,
set a trial, and demand
an instant confession.
Snuff it out,
a good girl’s unseemly aggression,
at least until good girl
has learned her sweet lesson.

Pinafore days
and petticoat nights,
you skipped and you sang,
a good child’s delights.
When darkness falls
a good child sleeps tight,
succumbs not to the shadows.
There’s something not right.

You act as though
you’ve never squinted before
against light breaking through
that you cannot ignore.
But there’s more in
bad light for good men to deplore,
and there’s more than
bad faith for a child to explore.
I don’t want to be blinded
by your light anymore.

We have doctors for you,
and family and priests.
The healing must begin.
Grant us that much at least.
There’s teaching to be done,
prayers never ceased.
Would you serve angels
or the wilder Beast?

Show me the wild,
and I’ll show you a heart.
I’ll fight tooth and nail,
tear my sweet life apart.
I know I’m too cruel,
and I know I’m too smart.
A blood smear’s a painting,
and good dying’s an art.
Afterlife’s for the dead.
Let me live, for a start.

They held me back.
I had no other choice.
If they could, they would have
stolen my eyes and my voice,
dressed me up in doll clothes
like a toddler’s toys—
no escape, not a whisper,
not the slightest little noise,
hobbled feet and bound hands.
Would you do that to boys?

Say I’m a beast. Shut me down.
Call me to grave submission.
But I offer you now
this bad girl’s admonition:
If I plead my fair guilt
of my own bald admission,
I’ll show none of your
recommended contrition
but condemn you in your
own hysterical condition.

Two braids and a curl
do not need your branded permission.
Shut your mouth, bend your knees
to this pinafore perdition.

For a woman never forgets,
and a girl is never forgiven.

What year is it?: Friday Update

27 Friday Dec 2024

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News:

No news this week, but I do want to remind you, post Winter Solstice, that if you want erotic horror romance with Nosferatu vibes following your viewing of Eggers’ gorgeous gothic masterpiece (saw it yesterday as a Christmas gift to myself, loved it, precisely my thing), I wrote wintery gothic trilogy Nocturnal Creatures under my other name. You can get the giant doorstop omnibus paperback or the omnibus ebook. The paperback is admittedly expensive due to its size, but the ebook is an eminently reasonable discount for the three novels, Longest Night, Beasts, and Grayling.

It’s vampire/werewolf high dark fantasy (with forced marriage, monster romance, and an enchanted gothic castle), Beauty and the Beast meets Dracula (I’m nothing if not consistent), and I’m really proud of it. So if you need something to warm these longest nights, Nocturnal Creatures may be right up your alley.

Works in Progress:

I’m still rewriting/editing Masque. It’s taking longer than I’d like because of the retyping, even though that’s the process. It feels like I’m going so fast, and then I really I’m only about a third through. However, one good thing is that I’m really not changing much where I don’t outright rewrite.

I’m heading into delayed holidays with family, my period’s on my doorstep, add into that the weirdness of the week between Christmas and New Year’s and the impending darkness of next year, and this liminal space seems extra liminal.

I’ll continue working on Masque to the end of the year and hope I cross the halfway point, and I’ll have my Resolute post out for you on New Year’s. It wasn’t the most financially successful of years, but notable things still happened, and I have to remember that. I think I’ll share another longer poem as well, my gift to you.

Books I’m Reading:

The Fisherman by John Langan
Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
Sister, Maiden, Monster by Lucy A. Snyder

Things I’m Listening To:

Christmas playlist

Things I’m Watching:

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)
Legion (it’s a Christmas movie)
Klaus
Holidate
Hot Frosty
Single All the Way
The Muppet Christmas Carol
Black Christmas (1974)
Mickey’s Christmas Carol
The Santa Clause
It’s a Wonderful Life
Nosferatu (2024)
The Christmas Cookie Showdown series (finished)
Holiday Wars series (finished)
Elsbeth series
Ghosts (US) series
Longmire series
Columbo series
CSI: NY series
S.W.A.T. series

In anticipation: Friday Update

20 Friday Dec 2024

Posted by in A Few Thoughts, Novels, Poetry, Writing

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News:

My dark poem “Keeping Secrets” was included in the Breath and Shadow Fall 2024 issue. It’s free to read here. My inspiration for it was the fact that I’m pretty good at not telling secrets, but I absolutely cannot promise that I won’t tell under the most mild of interrogations. My secret integrity completely depends on the fact that people don’t ask me about them in the first place.

Undertaker Books announced their Table of Contents for Stories to Take to the Grave: High Seas Edition, and my story “Floaters” (referencing corpses) is included in the line-up. It’s quieter horror than I usually do, and with a little hope thrown in there. It’s one of my stories I submitted far and wide to a variety of publishers, but it kept getting rejected, and I really wanted a good home for it.

Works in Progress:

Since it includes some rewriting, the first-round edit of Masque is going more slowly than I would like. I’m sorry, crisis after crisis and anticipation of collapse is not conducive to creativity. Nevertheless, I’ve started, and honestly, it wasn’t as info-dumping as I thought it would be. Or maybe adding a character that needed context helped give the world-building info reason to exist.

But I’m not having trouble concentrating because I don’t enjoy it. When I’m working on it, I love Masque‘s lushness. The difference between the much sparer found-media transcription style of the Dracula reimagining and the Gothic embellishments in Masque is pretty stark. I like both.

By and large, my shorter creature features, Deep Down and Out of Curiosity and Hunger are both spare as well, Deep Down because of the protagonist’s numbed emotional state and in Out of Curiosity and Hunger because of both the protagonist’s detachment and sort of wanting to write found-footage style without actually doing so—very documentarian. Whereas my first book, Nocturne, and novella The Damp definitely leaned into the Gothic style as well. I think doing both allows me to enjoy them better, because I’m never locked into one way of writing and it keeps me interested.

I can also write somewhere in between. I would argue that, though the Thorns series books are long, they’re quite traditional in style, and so is Question Not My Salt. Drift and A Woman Alone are dreamy outliers, but probably fit in here, too, although I would argue they’re actually Gothic in elements rather than writing style.

I’m very much a believer of ‘form follows function.’ Sometimes you need a modular cottage and sometimes you need a big honking castle. One is not more intrinsically correct. I think I’ve once shared on here, though, that a more elaborate Gothic style of writing more closely resembles how my brain actually thinks. The denser, sparer writing, on the other hand, gives my head a bit of a rest.

Christmas to New Year’s is a weird time, even as a freelancer, so I’m not sure how much I’ll actually get done, but I’m still aiming to get Masque and the Dracula reimagining completed by end of January. At the very least, I’d like to get Masque done if the call I’m finishing it for is, in fact, open in January. If they’re open to novellas, I can submit The Damp if I don’t finish, though. The Dracula reimagining doesn’t really need to be finished. I’m just hoping to start subbing it out to agents as soon as possible. I’m also perfectly open to self-publishing it. I have two covers in my already-purchased folder that could fit the story.

Books I’m Reading:

The Fisherman by John Langan
Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
Sister, Maiden, Monster by Lucy A. Snyder

Things I’m Listening To:

Christmas playlist

Things I’m Watching:

Die Hard (My verdict? I don’t understand how this isn’t a Christmas movie. Loved it.)
Krampus
Christmas Inheritance
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
Black Christmas (2006)
P2
The Nightmare Before Christmas
Holiday in the Wild
The Case of the Whitechapel Vampire (Sherlock Holmes)
The Christmas Cookie Showdown series
Holiday Baking Championship series (finished)
Holiday Wars series
The Great British Baking Show series (finished)
Elsbeth series
Matlock series
Ghosts (US) series
NCIS series
Longmire series
Columbo series
S.W.A.T. series

Winter is a time for ghosts: Friday Update

13 Friday Dec 2024

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News:

I was futzing around and stumbled upon a podcast review of Question Not My Salt that warmed the cockles of my cold, cold heart. Genre Junkies did their review for QNMS for their Thanksgiving episode and seemed to have a blast discussing all the disgusting elements (plus some talk about The Substance and Thanksgiving itself). The second half of the full episode is spoilery, so it might be better to listen to after you’ve read it yourself, or if you don’t want to read it and just want to listen to other people talk about the gross parts.

This review was completely unsolicited as part of Crystal Lake’s marketing campaign. They were recommended the book by word of mouth in extreme horror circles, which is the coolest thing, and they really seemed to enjoy it. They agree that, as extreme horror, it’s on the milder side and acts as a good gateway into the subgenre.

As evidenced in the last post, I finally went to see Wicked, which is such an important musical for me. It’s meant different things in every decade—it changes as I change—and as someone who grew up a belter and mezzo soprano, both Glinda and Elphaba’s songs have been formative in the development of my singing voice (which is just for my own enjoyment, which I feel ambivalent about on the best of days). I’m not the only musical theatre kid who was ridiculously pleased at how well the musical was adapted to screen. Everything we could want and more than we possibly could have expected. Approached with so much love from everyone involved.

I’m watching Die Hard tonight for the first time ever! I’m looking forward to experiencing a quippier Bruce Willis. I mostly know him through his more stoic phase. Not to mention a young Alan Rickman.

Works in Progress:

I’m nearly finished with the first round of edits for the Dracula reimagining. Then I’ll send it on to my alpha reader. She usually gets my first fruits to help me on the developmental end of things, so I’ll know how to approach first-round edits. But because I wrote the DRI out of order, I wanted to make sure the disparate parts flowed as a whole and there were no glaring consistency errors. So far, the part I needed to make the most changes to is the end, which I wrote first, so that makes sense. I should probably finish with the first round by the end of the weekend.

I had a nice lunch with my alpha reader this week, too, and we talked about her notes on Masque and how to approach some significant changes. I took additional notes, and although Masque will probably be my greatest challenge to rewrite since Nocturne (my issues with Meridian usually had me reworking the plot entirely rather than rewriting the plot I had, which is what I did with Nocturne and will do with Masque), I’m really excited to see what I can make with this story, which has good bones and some great scenes to work with. As gothic alt-history, it’s really demanding on a detail level, and that’s not necessarily where I shine (because I can’t just make shit up the same way I can with modern fantasy; even where I change history, it needs to be justified, and I need to understand the history to change it in the first place). But this story is so important to me and deserves my full loving care and attention. It’s been with me so long; I just want all the best for it now that it’s finally a manuscript.

I’d hoped to have Masque and the DRI edits finished by the end of the year, but now I’m aiming for the end of January, which is usually when early submission calls for novels close.

Books I’m Reading:

The Fisherman by John Langan
Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
Sister, Maiden, Monster by Lucy A. Snyder

Things I’m Listening To:

Christmas playlist

Things I’m Watching:

Home Alone
A Cinderella Christmas
Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies
The Thing
Wicked
The Christmas Cookie Showdown series
Holiday Baking Championship series
Holiday Wars series
The Great British Baking Show series
The Irrational series
Elsbeth series
Ghosts series
NCIS series
Longmire series
Columbo series
S.W.A.T. series

No one mourns the Wicked

11 Wednesday Dec 2024

Posted by in A Few Thoughts, Movie Reviews

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Just came back from seeing Wicked in theaters, and I’m pleased to say that I agree with everyone about how wonderful the adaptation from stage to screen is. I forgot to bring tissues, although I always cry for “No One Mourns the Wicked” and “Defying Gravity.” Like a lot of people, I’ve always identified with Elphaba, and like a lot of people, I also have to contend with the Glinda in me.

Chu’s movie and Erivo’s interpretation of her role brought a lot of profound, rich elements to Elphaba’s story. There’s no escaping how much Erivo brings her blackness into her depiction, although the world of Oz itself doesn’t seem to be as concerned with race or size, as shown by prominent depictions of all kinds of people, including those considered less-than, soulless, or cursed in our world (I noticed little people at the Emerald City, an albino student of African descent, and lots of gingers). Nod to Bowen Yang for “I don’t see color.” (Indeed, disability seems to be the notable exception, and that more out of general ignorance rather than a lack of effort on the part of Ozians.) Better people than I have commented on how Elphaba’s clothes and dancing were ridiculed until mimicked by a white girl, comparable to the co-opting of black culture for white consumption. And there was that beautiful moment when pink light showed Cynthia’s own skin tone when Elphaba was imagining no longer being green.

There’s also no escaping the romantic undertones in the friendship between Elphaba and Glinda, although the world of Oz seems to be welcome to various sexualities and, as shown by the universal reaction to Fiyero, runs quite bisexual and gender neutral, as shown through Shiz uniforms (reminiscent of the Next Generation Enterprise in its first episode, when a man wore a mini-skirt on board, although it eventually shifted to what we call unisex today, which considered masculine bodies and clothes a default neutral). This was by design first by Maguire, who made it more over- than undertone, then shifted more to a vibe by Schwartz; both men are gay.

Elphaba is representative of no one thing, because all of our vulnerable groups are just that: groups, communities, umbrellas. Elphaba is truly and utterly alone, though many of us in vulnerable groups still feel alone, isolated, especially if we’re not connected to a community. We can feel like there’s none like us, but we have the benefit of knowing we aren’t the only one of our kind. Elphaba does not. So she becomes the ultimate Other, for those of us alone and hated for what we are to look to and identify with.

Neither Maguire nor Schwartz were prescient; all things old are new again, and ever shall it be. Maguire grew up and through the AIDS crisis as a gay man. It’s no surprise that he referenced it in his novel through a character experiencing a debilitating sexually transmitted illness and being tended to by Elphaba alone—again alone. Schwartz’s musical came out when the gay and lesbian community was only just beginning to get traction in media representation showing that they weren’t predators and were just trying to live their lives in love. The sapphic vibe kept Elphaba and Glinda more palatable, gateway lesbian romance for the time, and left room for the equally important friendship.

What ached so deeply in my heart through “Defying Gravity” during this viewing, though, also seemed very intentional on Chu’s part. Or maybe it didn’t even need to be intentional, because it’s always there: the common enemy made of vulnerable people who are too easy to make hated, not because of what they do but because of who they are. First the Animals (capitalized to differentiate from those who do not speak), who were at one point completely integrated into the Oz world and then gradually discriminated against until they were squashed into silence and loss of their identity. The Animals didn’t do anything. The Wizard just brought his prejudices from our world into Oz, and they were convenient to blame after economic hardship (sound familiar?).

You can’t avoid the parallels Wicked makes with the world we’re in, even though they were post-production well before the election and could not have known who would win. And you can’t avoid who seems to be the Wicked Witch of the Western World now. While watching Erivo run, then take her flying stand as the citizens scream “Kill her!” and Madame Morrible says with such relish, “Her green skin is but an outward manifestorium of her twisted nature. This distortion! This repulsion! This wicked witch!,” it is impossible not to see my trans brothers and sisters in this demonization.

It is impossible not to recall the fear-mongering election ads and articles depicting trans people as repulsive and distortions, as predators, as sick, and how the other side really made no effort to combat the monstrous rhetoric, in an effort to protect themselves and because they truly don’t care. It is impossible not to recall the same viciousness and indifference, with the exact same phrases, used against gays and lesbians less than fifteen years ago (before Obama’s ‘evolving’ opinions). Yet enough gays and lesbians now were willing to throw trans people under the bus, presenting themselves as the ‘good queers,’ assuming incorrectly that they aren’t going to be the next (and present) targets. In addition, it is no coincidence that Elphaba is an analog to trans and intersex in the books, although that element wasn’t included in the musical.

All throughout “Defying Gravity,” my heart broke for my trans brothers and sisters who sit with me under our particular umbrella. As the Wizard says, “The best way to bring folks together is to give them a real good enemy.” This is what the culture war is: Distract from the real villainy that people are doing by pointing them in the direction of a small, vulnerable population and condemning what they are, often through bad-faith misunderstandings and outright lies. It’s also no coincidence, of course, that Dr. Dillamond is a literal scape-Goat.

Part of me wishes that this movie had come out before the election. Another part of me knows that enough people who have loved the musical and movie may not see Glinda in themselves or the Wizard in those they idolize. They may only see in Elphaba the rebel they want to be but not the terribly alone and exiled woman she is. Again, it seems to be no coincidence that people of all races, gender identities, and sexualities at Shiz were afraid of, hated, and bullied Elphaba, and how minorities so rarely seem to rally for each other in solidarity, out of either unconscious or fully conscious fear they’ll be targeted next. Much easier to have them scramble for scraps of approval. If anything, I felt like the fact that races, sizes, and queerness being depicted as acceptable while Animals and Elphaba were discriminated against highlighted the truly arbitrary nature of discrimination. (Which again brings to mind Star Trek, but this time the Original Series, “Let That Be Your Last Battlefield.”)

Wicked has been relevant for much longer than it has existed, and it remains all too relevant today. We’ve still been so easily manipulated into misplaced fears about incredibly vulnerable people, even though they’re far more at risk for the things we’re afraid of them for, and all too often by the people who are afraid of them in the first place.

If your heart aches like mine and brings you to tears during “Defying Gravity,” I hope you can take that pain and recognize who has become the Animals and the Wicked Witch in our world. If this would not have galvanized you into action before, let it galvanize you now. Because the culture war of distraction continues, the Animals are losing their voices with each book ban, court case, and piece of legislation, and there’s no prophesied Witch in sight.

Too many marshmallows: Friday Update

06 Friday Dec 2024

Posted by in A Few Thoughts, Novels

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News:

For the first time, I was included in Ellen Datlow‘s list of the best short horror recommendations of the 2023 year with “Show Me” from Bound in Flesh and “The Thing That Crawls” from Unspeakable Horror 3. It’s a long list, but it’s still an honor to be part of it.

I sold some things this week; I’ll share more info when they’re announced.

Had what seemed like a really good job interview this week. Crossing my fingers for a second.

Don’t have a lot of Christmas spirit, but I’ve started to have a little. Creeping into its realm with eggnog, Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cakes (I don’t know why they’re better than LD’s other vanilla cakes, but they are, especially frozen), Christmas viewing, and Christmas music.

Works in Progress:

I’m about halfway through the first-round edits of the Dracula reimagining. I don’t know what the coming world is going to be like and what place my writing has in it, but I think the DRI is a solid piece. It’s unmistakably a reimagining but functions independently from its source material as well; it’s not superfluous or simply a beat-for-beat retelling. It reminds me of back when I read really good fanfiction, how it felt like it was in conversation with canon but was its own thing, too.

I’m still not quite at my full strength, speed, and attention span yet, but it’s improved this week. I did get my period, which was milder than usual (yay!) but occasionally uncomfortable enough to interrupt my work, plus something that seemed like a UTI (sorry, TMI), which I’m treating, yet I still moved forward faster than the weeks before.

Might try to do some poetry this next week. I had plans for long poetry this November, but my soul just couldn’t do beauty last month after the election. I function best like the Romantics: great emotions remembered in quiet stillness, of which there has been precious little in my heart or head.

Things I’m Reading:

The Apocalypse and Satan’s Glory Hole by Timothy W. Long and Jonathan Moon (finished)
Borrasca by The_Dalek_Emperor (r/NoSleep) (finished)
The Fisherman by John Langan
Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier

Things I’m Listening To:

The Mist soundtrack
Dracula soundtracks
Christmas playlist

Things I’m Watching:

Elf
Dominion: Prequel to the Exorcist
Wishmaster
Is It Cake? Holiday series (finished)
The Christmas Cookie Showdown series
Holiday Baking Championship series
Holiday Wars series
The Great British Baking Show series
The Irrational series
Broadchurch series
NCIS series
Columbo series
Supernatural series
Grey’s Anatomy series
S.W.A.T. series

Feast days: Friday Update

29 Friday Nov 2024

Posted by in A Few Thoughts, Novels

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News:

Question Not My Salt is 99c for an ebook (for those without KU) through December 3. Question Not My Salt also got a great shout-out from Paul Preston at Books of Horror.

Screams, edited by Judith Sonnet, is also coming out next week, December 1, through Amazon. You can pre-order it now. My short story about being haunted by a number, “Six,” is part of this anthology.

Works in Progress:

I went ahead and let Unhallow’d Guests go for now. I am in no state to write, and I’m just going to have to accept that. I’ll probably try easing back into it with short stories in the new year, but considering that the inauguration hasn’t even happened yet, who knows if I’m going to be in a better state then.

I’ve started editing the Dracula reimagining. That’s also slow, in part because of family in town this week. I’m hoping I have more of an attention span next week. I still may not be in the best state to properly edit this on a developmental level, but I can at least clean it up. I also may not be able to take joy in this like I did last month, but I’m still reminded how much my brain gloms onto Dracula things, regardless of anhedonia. So I’m probably enjoying it somewhere in my brain, but I can’t feel it.

I don’t like when I can’t write or edit, because then I feel like I’m doing absolutely nothing, and I don’t need help feeling useless. I’m still aiming to finish editing the DRI and Masque by the end of the year.

Things I’m Reading:

The Apocalypse and Satan’s Glory Hole by Timothy W. Long and Jonathan Moon
The Fisherman by John Langan
Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier

Things I’m Listening To:

Nightwish
Dracula soundtracks

Things I’m Watching:

Murder, She Wrote: The Last Free Man
Alien: Romulus
Abigail
The Christmas Cookie Showdown series
Holiday Baking Championship series
Holiday Wars series
White Collar series
Ghosts (US) series
Abbott Elementary series
The Irrational series
Broadchurch series
NCIS series
Columbo series
9-1-1 series
Doctor Odyssey series
Supernatural series
Grey’s Anatomy series