I lost track of the day, which is happening a lot, along with general forgetfulness. I understand why (hello, depression/grief as temporary brain damage), but it’s still disorienting.

I’ve managed to reach some form of equilibrium, but given that we haven’t even reached the inauguration and transition, that equilibrium is shaky as hell. I’m still not sure what to do outright, but I’ve done a few things to make me feel on a little more solid footing, even if I’m not particularly solid. I think I have options; the trouble is gauging timing, not to mention ability.

But this whole thing absolutely took the wind out of my sails for writing and makes me question the point of doing any of it at all, except if I’m not doing this, then I’m not doing anything. I’ve gotten some word count on Unhallow’d Guests, but it’s hard and feels lifeless, which is a shame, because I always liked the idea. I can’t concentrate during the day, so I distract, and by the time I’m finally in a place to write, it’s time to go to bed. Horror is usually comfort food, but that’s not working for me much, either. Procedurals are helping some, because they’re essentially competence porn.

I don’t think I’ve ever had less holiday spirit. I remember how happy I was around Halloween, in spite of things, and I look at where I am now, and it’s just…not good.

It feels like the election killed any hope for a better future. Mostly dead, for now, rather than all dead, but resurrection is far from a foregone conclusion. Meanwhile, A.I. is killing my dream and my jobs—badly and energy-inefficiently, but who cares as long as it saves a buck? I wasn’t trained for a world in which I don’t matter, even if I should, nor a world which is actively hostile toward me, even though I’m harmless. I might have made different decisions, had I known, starting with how to be less harmless and spread the misery around with more than a dark, disgusting tale.

Blah-blah, things will get better, blah-blah, everything’s cyclical. But although human time is much quicker than geologic time, our cycles can be long in comparison to human life span. I may never see better days. And some have never seen any.

I reread Jurassic Park and The Lost World by Michael Crichton, and it hit differently than previous reads. Maybe because it feels eerily applicable, and it’s a reminder that we simply do not learn. And it makes me sad that literacy, especially media literacy, is dying—aided by the increasing prevalence of AI, which helps people get to the other side of an assignment (badly) but misses the point of the assignment entirely. It is stunning how many people love various media but don’t seem to understand what those stories mean. This is why we insist (fruitlessly) that the humanities are still important. This is why English majors used to be valuable for business and law.

I do like the books, though. I feel Spielberg’s Jurassic Park is a near-perfect movie (and The Lost World an uncharacteristic, if fun misstep), and among a whole shelf of greats, is probably one of his best commercial films. The books, however, are drier and meaner.

News:

Nothing much to report. More rejects, but personalized.

However, Question Not My Salt feels more and more representative of the state of horror we’re in (I wrote it as extreme horror, but surprise! it’s splatterpunk). So if you have a taste for a family Thanksgiving dinner going from awkward to outright awful and you have a strong stomach for extreme horror, Question Not My Salt might just be the Thanksgiving horror we deserve. At least it’s short.

Works in Progress:

On a good week, I can write 25-35K words. I managed *checks notes* 8K words on Unhallow’d Guests. I’ll see what I can manage in the next week.

Things I’m Reading:

The Apocalypse and Satan’s Glory Hole by Timothy W. Long and Jonathan Moon
Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton (finished)
The Lost World by Michael Crichton (finished)
The Fisherman by John Langan

Things I’m Listening To:

Nightwish

Things I’m Watching:

Murder, She Wrote: A Story to Die For
Thanksgiving
The Christmas Cookie Showdown series
Ghosts (US) series
Brilliant Mind series
The Irrational series
Elsbeth series
Matlock (new) series
Broadchurch series
CSI: NY series
NCIS series
Columbo series
9-1-1 series
Doctor Odyssey series