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Amanda M. Blake

~ Of fairy tales and tentacles

Amanda M. Blake

Tag Archives: election day

The other side: Friday Update

22 Friday Nov 2024

Posted by amandamblake in A Few Thoughts, Novels, Writing

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Tags

election day, extreme horror, horror, question not my salt, thanksgiving, unhallow'd guests, Writing

Photo by Matt Hardy on Pexels.com

I lost track of the day, which is happening a lot, along with general forgetfulness. I understand why (hello, depression/grief as temporary brain damage), but it’s still disorienting.

I’ve managed to reach some form of equilibrium, but given that we haven’t even reached the inauguration and transition, that equilibrium is shaky as hell. I’m still not sure what to do outright, but I’ve done a few things to make me feel on a little more solid footing, even if I’m not particularly solid. I think I have options; the trouble is gauging timing, not to mention ability.

But this whole thing absolutely took the wind out of my sails for writing and makes me question the point of doing any of it at all, except if I’m not doing this, then I’m not doing anything. I’ve gotten some word count on Unhallow’d Guests, but it’s hard and feels lifeless, which is a shame, because I always liked the idea. I can’t concentrate during the day, so I distract, and by the time I’m finally in a place to write, it’s time to go to bed. Horror is usually comfort food, but that’s not working for me much, either. Procedurals are helping some, because they’re essentially competence porn.

I don’t think I’ve ever had less holiday spirit. I remember how happy I was around Halloween, in spite of things, and I look at where I am now, and it’s just…not good.

It feels like the election killed any hope for a better future. Mostly dead, for now, rather than all dead, but resurrection is far from a foregone conclusion. Meanwhile, A.I. is killing my dream and my jobs—badly and energy-inefficiently, but who cares as long as it saves a buck? I wasn’t trained for a world in which I don’t matter, even if I should, nor a world which is actively hostile toward me, even though I’m harmless. I might have made different decisions, had I known, starting with how to be less harmless and spread the misery around with more than a dark, disgusting tale.

Blah-blah, things will get better, blah-blah, everything’s cyclical. But although human time is much quicker than geologic time, our cycles can be long in comparison to human life span. I may never see better days. And some have never seen any.

I reread Jurassic Park and The Lost World by Michael Crichton, and it hit differently than previous reads. Maybe because it feels eerily applicable, and it’s a reminder that we simply do not learn. And it makes me sad that literacy, especially media literacy, is dying—aided by the increasing prevalence of AI, which helps people get to the other side of an assignment (badly) but misses the point of the assignment entirely. It is stunning how many people love various media but don’t seem to understand what those stories mean. This is why we insist (fruitlessly) that the humanities are still important. This is why English majors used to be valuable for business and law.

I do like the books, though. I feel Spielberg’s Jurassic Park is a near-perfect movie (and The Lost World an uncharacteristic, if fun misstep), and among a whole shelf of greats, is probably one of his best commercial films. The books, however, are drier and meaner.

News:

Nothing much to report. More rejects, but personalized.

However, Question Not My Salt feels more and more representative of the state of horror we’re in (I wrote it as extreme horror, but surprise! it’s splatterpunk). So if you have a taste for a family Thanksgiving dinner going from awkward to outright awful and you have a strong stomach for extreme horror, Question Not My Salt might just be the Thanksgiving horror we deserve. At least it’s short.

Works in Progress:

On a good week, I can write 25-35K words. I managed *checks notes* 8K words on Unhallow’d Guests. I’ll see what I can manage in the next week.

Things I’m Reading:

The Apocalypse and Satan’s Glory Hole by Timothy W. Long and Jonathan Moon
Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton (finished)
The Lost World by Michael Crichton (finished)
The Fisherman by John Langan

Things I’m Listening To:

Nightwish

Things I’m Watching:

Murder, She Wrote: A Story to Die For
Thanksgiving
The Christmas Cookie Showdown
series
Ghosts (US) series
Brilliant Mind series
The Irrational series
Elsbeth series
Matlock (new) series
Broadchurch series
CSI: NY series
NCIS series
Columbo series
9-1-1 series
Doctor Odyssey series

The tiny little rabbit: Friday Update

15 Friday Nov 2024

Posted by amandamblake in A Few Thoughts, Novels, Series

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Tags

election day, meridian, screams, six

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I didn’t miss this. Every day a fresh hell, and we’re not even in the vestibule. I’m scared every day, and it makes me want to be silent, blend into the background, play dead. All my creativity is gone. I don’t see the point, which of course means there’s tremendous need, but that doesn’t mean anything here.

My mind is an endless series of worst case scenarios and knowing how incredibly possible they are, and that they are certain people’s endgame (one of the only defenses I have against catastrophizing is telling myself the odds). It’s the little glimmers of hope that seem far more fragile and entirely dependent upon the enemy of my enemy being my friend. If he hadn’t won, those who voted for him wouldn’t have felt like this every time they wake up. This isn’t normal.

I hate this. I hate this world. I hate that it’s falling and didn’t have to, could have been prevented, that everything is of our own making yet out of so many people’s control. I don’t see a solution if no one has been willing to do what must be done every step of the way.

I really don’t think I’m going to make it out of this. I feel like I already died.

News:

Screams, from editor Judith Sonnet, is available on Godless now, if you don’t want to wait for it to be available on Amazon. My haunted-number story “Six” is part of this no-theme, old-school horror anthology.

Works in Progress:

I went ahead and scrapped the last book in the Meridian series, and this was before Election Day, so I can’t blame that. It just wasn’t working for me at all. If I can cobble together something new by this time next year and anything matters, I’ll write the novel, but if not, Meridian will just have to be seven novels, because I couldn’t come up with something fresh. It all felt like rehash of something I’d already done, and I can do that endlessly with theme but not really with characters.

I started on a pet Halloween-themed project that brings the Dracula characters into roughly the nineties, but the election stole my hope and joy and now I just don’t see the point. I’m going to try to continue it just for fun, but even that scares me, so… I don’t know what to do. I want to be brave and fierce and rebellious and resistant, but I’m just not.

I was able to complete the proofreading edit of Book & Candle (Meridian 5) and send that in. Pre-orders start in the new year.

Things I’m Reading:

The Apocalypse and Satan’s Gloryhole by Timothy W. Long and Jonathan Moon
Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton

Things I’m Listening To:

Svrcina
Nightwish
The Ring/The Ring 2 soundtrack

Things I’m Watching:

Practical Magic
Haunt
Gonjiam: Haunted Asylum
Legally Blonde the Musical
You’re Next
The Deliverance
The Sudbury Devil

The Irrational series
Elsbeth series
Matlock (new) series
Broadchurch series
CSI:NY series
CSI series
NCIS series
Columbo series
S.W.A.T. series
9-1-1 series

The tree is dead

08 Friday Nov 2024

Posted by amandamblake in A Few Thoughts, Poetry

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Tags

election day, poem

Photo by icon0 com on Pexels.com

I don’t have much to say. I woke up into a world much more antagonistic to me, with the knowledge that friends and family decided that I was expendable and that what they probably wanted is not something they’re going to get anyway—unless the cruelty was the point, in which case, congratulations, you won.

For those saying it isn’t that bad: Yes. Yes, it is. This isn’t like last time at all, which was bad enough.

ALL ROADS LEAD TO ROME

there’s a trail of tears east to west
tracks of tears dusted with fine white powder
roads of silk and spice fallow with salt
paths from multitudinous veins
hearts beaten under vile souls
held up on broken backs of burden
so we would not dampen our slippers
or soil our gloves on rivers run red

sick sickened sickening
we cast out to claim
leave mile markers of smallpox
wash our hands of dysentery and cholera
of hundreds of miles of skin slough
burning and bubbling with boils
gasping in yellow mist screaming
i can’t breathe

all not exchanged in profit
burned for incense to please petit gods
at the top of a heap of hoarded gold
surrounded by guns for hire
and fire extinguishers
while children clutch stomachs screaming
i’m hungry

services render to business
like fat from meat charred to charcoal
ashes compressed to diamonds
worth more cremated than alive
just another river cursed
gold vein and gemstones panned
earth enslaved to artificial
the clamoring of sociopaths who
build blocks and knock them down
and refuse to share

we are what we prize
we put on pedestals such pedestrian shit
elevate the cruel
reward the heartless
ruthless brutal is in season in all these hotter months
neither saint nor sinner but trending says it’s so
compensate for attention
expose moments unmeant for mass consumption
all eyes on the movement
for a clever quip
my kingdom for a click

A single inch: Friday Update

01 Friday Nov 2024

Posted by amandamblake in A Few Thoughts, Novels, Series, Short Stories, Writing

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

election day, found 2, found footage, halloween, meridian, nuisance notifications, poem

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I want to write a big thing here about what’s coming up, but I’m temperamentally incapable of writing about things that matter, at least directly. I can’t contain a single matter to a single post. There’s too many variables that feed into it and too many lives at stake. I’ve never been good at debate or argument. I see every side and try to address them to the point that I neglect my own.

I’m angry and I’m scared because my own personal life is at stake according to certain policies that certain politicians wish to implement, have already implemented, and will continue to make every effort to implement (and will likely succeed, regardless of who wins, due to keen long-game strategy). I’m angry and scared because my life is just one of billions at stake due to climate change (trillions, if you count the mass extinctions of other animals than humans). I’m angry and scared because I’m watching a slaughter in real time and people in power seem to have declared them not only expendable but vermin worthy of extermination. I could keep going, but what’s the use?

I don’t know how I’m going to get through these next few days and possibly these next few years. My only solution is to get through a day at a time and just be who I am for as long as I can. After all, who am I to have anything to say, other than someone who lives here, same as you?

I voted. There is a difference between a shit sandwich and a shit sandwich with a side of vomit and a glass of toxic waste. Please vote.

News:

Moved over to a new computer. Still fixing some glitches from the moving over of files, but I think I’ll have that finished by this weekend. I’ve gotten used to the new keyboard, and I’ve christened it with stickers, so I think she and I are in a good place now.

FOUND 2: More stories of found footage is out and available to all. My story “Nuisance Notifications” is part of it. All those notifications you get on the phone and can’t do anything about… All here, with all the other cursed media.

I don’t normally reference Amazon reviews because they’re easily accessible, but my Meridian series doesn’t get a lot of love, and I appreciated the review from Jennifer Hines (The Literary Tryst) for Avarice & Creed (Meridian Book 4):

Let me start off by saying this is the best book I have read in a while. It is also my first by Aurelia Evans. I have to say that now not only do I want to read the first three books in this series, but also see what else she may have written.

Works in Progress:

I had an outline in place for Rack & Ruin (Meridian Book 8) from after I finished Tooth & Claw (Meridian Book 7), so I’d know I had a story and because I seem to need outlines more often than I used to. Well, I opened up the R&R document and approached it with dread instead of excitement, and I was almost immediately bored. I wasn’t months ago when I came up with the story, but I think I need to do something different, so I’ve altered the main character, which makes certain elements of the story more interesting to me and less repetitive with other stories in the series. There will be some unanticipated challenges in working off the outline with this new main character, but I think I have more to look forward to with these changes. I certainly don’t want to finish up the Meridian series with a book I don’t like.

If it doesn’t work, I’ll do what I did for Tooth & Claw and set it aside for a while. I just hope I don’t have to. I’m ready to be done with the development of this series and down only to editing. I finished my first round of edits for Book & Candle (Meridian Book 5), and I’m just waiting for the final proofreading copy.

However, I think I’m generally tired from the work this year and from *waves at everything*. I’m looking forward to doing edits after R&R is through. Masque and the DRI were so much fun to write, and though Masque will need some extensive reworking, I’m looking forward to it. I may also need to find a developmental editor for the DRI to make sure I’m on the right track and get some feedback, because I’m too enamored with it. There’s so much Dracula stuff (for good reason, because it’s a blast), I don’t want to necessarily get lost under all the noise.

Things I’m Reading:

The Apocalypse and Satan’s Gloryhole by Timothy W. Long and Jonathan Moon
Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton

Things I’m Listening To:

Halloween playlist

Things I’m Watching:

Hell Fest
The Curse of Bridge Hollow
Murder, She Wrote: South by Southwest
Grave Encounters
As Above, So Below
Sleepy Hollow
Hocus Pocus
Trick ‘r’ Treat
Muppet Haunted Mansion

Rose Red series (finished)
Unsolved Mysteries series (finished)
Halloween Wars series (finished)
Halloween Baking Championship series (finished)
The Last Bite series (finished)
Outrageous Pumpkins series (finished)
Columbo series
S.W.A.T. series

Poem of the Week:

sagrado corazón
dead center bleeding
sanguinary transfusion
the blood of three
killing her sweetly
but blood of el maldito
brings vida eterna
la sangre es la vida

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