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Amanda M. Blake

~ Of fairy tales and tentacles

Amanda M. Blake

Category Archives: Writing

Demon-Cuddling: Friday Update

25 Friday Aug 2023

Posted by amandamblake in A Few Thoughts, Novels, Poetry, Writing

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Tags

editing, haunted house experience, horror, medieval demonic, on sub, poem, sentinel creatives, the devil take you, the plank in thine own, we follow you in the dark

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

News:

So I got my dates mixed up for The Devil Take You from Sentinel Creatives, which includes my short story “The Plank in Thine Own.” The Kickstarter opened on Monday, so you can get your book through that, plus some great perks if they reach their stretch goals. Sentinel Creatives go out of their way to create immersive experiences, so they do audiobooks and soundtracks, and it’s really pretty neat.

Last month was my first time properly on sub with a novel since my early twenties. I received my first novel rejection this week. It’s not exciting, but it’s all part of the process, and being a part of that process is exciting. I’ll continue to try to shop around with it to appropriate novel/novella calls (there’s a new imprint that looks like a good fit), but because it’s a weird length—novella by some standards and very short novel by others—I don’t know whether it’s a great piece to sub to agents. At the very least, I have it there in my trunk, as needed.

Otherwise, things are pretty quiet on this particular front. I have handfuls of short stories on sub but probably won’t hear back on them until September and October.

Works in Progress:

I finished Crooked House (Thorns 5) edits and sent the most recent draft out to my editors and beta readers.

The next thing on my docket was editing We Follow You in the Dark, a short horror novel set in a haunt experience, but I got spooked (no pun intended), so I edited down a few short stories to gather my courage. But I’m working on We Follow now and about a quarter of the way through.

It’s a more difficult draft. Usually, I’m just paring and cleaning up what’s there in the rough, but for We Follow, I knew by the end of writing it that I needed to move whole sections around, which fudges with my transition bridges. I’ll probably have to fix more in the second round of edits. This book, however, is definitely novel-length by multiple house standards, so it might be in a better position to sub to agents if I can tidy the manuscript changes.

If you’d like to support a writer through a rough edit, buy me a coffee?

Books I’m Reading:

IT by Stephen King
Discount Armageddon by Seanan McGuire
Cruel Summer by Wesley Southard
The Flame and the Flower by Kathleen Woodiwiss

Music I’m Listening To:

Billie Eilish
Fleurie
Svrcina
Jordin Sparks debut album
The Silent Force by Within Temptation
Hide and Seek by The Birthday Massacre
Joanne by Lady Gaga
Live Around the World by Queen with Adam Lambert
Crooked House playlist

Things I’m Watching:

America’s Got Talent series
CSI series
CSI:Miami series
Murder, She Wrote series
White Collar series
The Great British Baking Show: The Professionals series
The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt series
Locke & Key series
The Pope’s Exorcist movie (didn’t like)
M3GAN movie (loved)
Star Trek (2009) movie
The Black Demon movie (didn’t like)

Poem of the Week:

every night I leave the flame
flickering on the porch
there’s nowhere and
no one for miles
i light the lantern
so anyone and anything
may find a way home

Hamstead Heath Horror: Friday Update

18 Friday Aug 2023

Posted by amandamblake in A Few Thoughts, Novels, Poetry, Series, Short Stories, Thorns, Writing

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a bug in the design, cosmetic surgery gothic, crystal lake shallow waters flash fiction, horror, insect horror, medical horror, medieval demonic, poem, sentinel creatives, the cut, the devil take you, the plank in thine own

Photo by eberhard grossgasteiger on Pexels.com

News:

My short horror story “A Bug in the Design” was posted yesterday for the Crystal Lake Shallow Waters Flash Fiction Contest, for $5/month patrons. It’s horror grounded in reality rather than supernatural, inspired by one day when I left work on a weekend when my car was the only one in the parking lot and something did not want me anywhere close to my car.

In addition, my humor-horror story “The Cut,” about a baking-karaoke reality show, has been published again in Shallow Waters Vol. 9, which hit first in horror anthologies, so that’s exciting. It’s only 99c, with previous winners from the contest, so it’s got some great pieces.

My medieval story, “The Plank in Thine Own,” about an ambitious monk and his demon experiment, should be coming out today in The Devil Take You, initially through Sentinel Creatives’ Kickstarter, but it doesn’t look like they’ve opened yet. I’ll include the link in next week’s news update.

My family visited my brother and sister-in-law, so we had a great time in Oklahoma with my niblings. I can’t read on car trips anymore because I get carsick, but I can write during them, since I don’t have to read much as I go. I look out at the horizon and make all the typos I need to. It’s a great three-hour stretch of time when I’m not connected to wi-fi, so I can’t do anything but write. Good way to get a story done on the way there and another done on the way back.

Earlier this week, we had a stretch of three days without triple-digit heat where just walking outside didn’t feel like a convection oven. It was strange to go out and think this is so nice about 95 degree weather.

I injured my leg about two months ago, grade II muscle tear in the right calf and a grade I strain on the left, and it’s been a long recovery (for me). But I’ve transitioned out of a support boot into supportive shoes, and now out of the supportive shoes for more barefoot walking through the house. They’re more stressed than I’m used to after long walks, but I can do them as long as I take a break if I get close to a strain. The first time I tried swimming as low-impact exercise in the first month, my leg couldn’t push me back out of the water, so I had to nix that, but now it’s strong enough for swimming. Still not at a point I can go back to my usual workouts, but definite improvement. I keep telling myself to be patient, or I’ll reinjure and have to wait even longer.

Works in Progress:

Finished my latest patch of short stories over the weekend with the help of the car trips. Generally, for longer pieces I ask myself if I can use the pieces for something else of my own. I have a list of short story collections that I’m slowly building either for self-publishing or for collection calls, but there’s no hurry on most of them, since they have stories in them that need to wait for exclusive rights to clear before I can reprint anyway.

However, for flash contests, I love trying new things and going in more random directions. They only take an hour or two of my time, so it’s a nice exercise, both to write these stories and then to trim them down to their most fundamental elements. I’ve discovered that all this short story work has improved my editing of longer works, too.

I’m on the second edit of Crooked House (Thorns 5) now, and it’s so much easier than second rounds used to be. The way the edits worked before was round one was macro edits, lots of cutting and rearranging and getting rid of my crutches, then round two would be micro edits. But I’m getting more of the micro edits done in the first round, so second round so far has been more of a polish. My editors are going to have plenty of things to change, of course, but in terms of my work, it’s cool that I notice marked improvement.

Books I’m Reading:

IT by Stephen King
Discount Armageddon by Seanan McGuire
Cruel Summer by Wesley Southard

Music I’m Listening To:

Dark ambient music
Miranda Lambert
Taylor Swift
Ruelle
Puppeteer (Thorns 4) playlist
Blacklist playlist

Things I’m Watching:

America’s Got Talent series
CSI series
CSI:Miami series
Not Dead Yet series (caught up)
Murder She Wrote series
White Collar series
Count of Monte Cristo movie

Poem of the Week:

put me under the knife
sophisticated barbarism

barbers used to be dentists
surgeons used to be butchers

small dog energy life
in hands and between blades

clambering for the pedestal
afraid the table will tilt

don’t need but want so hard
stomach pinches through muscle

it’s a horror show in here
I will pay dearly to be victim

Cutting Thorns Off Roses: Friday Update

11 Friday Aug 2023

Posted by amandamblake in A Few Thoughts, Poetry, Series, Thorns, Writing

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Tags

crooked house, crystal lake shallow waters flash fiction, editing, gothic horror, horror movie, poem, talk to me

News:

Actually not a lot of news to report this week. I’m in waiting mode for rejections/acceptances, and there’s been some behind the scenes stuff, plus a few things coming out this week, like “A Bug in the Design” at Crystal Lake Shallow Waters, if you want to get in on that Patreon for some exciting new flash every month.

I had a comment to a Twitter post that’s doing some real numbers (for me), and it amuses me that a throwaway comment seems to have resonated like that.

I had my annual-ish ear cleaning, so now I can hear and I’m not stuck in my own head, which is nice.

I also saw Talk to Me, which I thought was amazing, a throat-punch for the first three parts. I agree with some people that it whiffed the ending and pulled the last few punches, but not in a way that negated the excellence that came before. It felt viral and modern without feeling too much on the phone; it felt like an authentic teen scream without watering itself down. It’s what the movie Slender Man aspired to and was too afraid to let itself be.

Works in Progress:

I finished the first round of edits on Crooked House (Thorns 5). I made a few small additions, but not what I was expecting. I think I’ll ask my beta readers and editors if they think I should add more, but for now it feels pretty solid as is, and I really, really like it.

As a Thorns novel, it’s as short as Puppeteer (Thorns 4) is long. It started at 158K words, and I cut it down to a bare 133K words. Still more than Nocturne, which is my longer gothic-style supernatural horror novel, but generally the Thorns novels average about 150-155K words.

I’m letting the edits breathe and doing another patch of short fiction. I’ve written two shorts and plan to write three more in the flash range. Then I’ll do the second editing round.

Books I’m Reading:

IT by Stephen King
Nightbitch by Rachel Yoder (finished)
Discount Armageddon by Seanan McGuire

Music I’m Listening To:

Ambient dark music
Dracula musical (Orton/Evans)
Kamelot
Halestorm

Things I’m Watching:

CSI series
CSI:Miami series
Great British Baking Show: Junior Bake-Off series (caught up)
Not Dead Yet series
Murder She Wrote series
Red Notice movie
NOPE movie
Fright Night (1985) movie – Why did no one tell me how delectably queer this movie is?

Poem of the Week:

should you sleepwalk
within the halls
please don’t hesitate
to ring a bell or call
but be extra careful
these darker nights
not to kindle candles
of strangers alight
you never know what
roams there with you
or, if it knows you know
it’s there, what it will do

Haunting the Monitor: Friday Update

04 Friday Aug 2023

Posted by amandamblake in A Few Thoughts, Poetry, Series, Short Stories, Thorns, Writing

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Tags

anthology, birth, creature feature, crooked house, crystal lake publishing, dead letters, DIY horror, drabble, dragon's roost press, editing, flash fiction, horror, hysteria, ko-fi, micro fiction, novus monstrum, poem, pregnancy horror, shallow waters flash fiction contest, table of contents, thorns series

Bloody Ghost wants you to have a boo-tiful day.

News:

In case you missed it, pregnancy horror drabble (100-word micro fiction) “Birth” was posted for Hungry Shadows’ Deadly Drabble Tuesday earlier this week. This one started its life as a poem but was actually shortened for the drabble call.

“A Bladder Full” actually won 3rd place for the July Crystal Lake Shallow Waters flash fiction contest (theme: Time Anomaly), which really surprised me. This month, creature feature “A Bug in the Design” is a finalist for the theme Small Town Strange. I see a lot of new-to-me names on the list of finalists, so I’m looking forward to the contest introducing me to different writers. You can only read them under the $5/month tier, but it’s totally worth it to have what amounts to an anthology of flash every month, and it’s a lot of fun.

Jacob Steven Mohr announced the Table of Contents for Dead Letters: Episodes of Epistolary Horror, an anthology of found media (also from Crystal Lake Publishing), and my moreishly titled “The Behavioral Patterns of the Displaced Siberian Siren” is a part of it. I’ve been trying to sell this story for a bit, and I’m really excited for this anthology in general. Some of the titles are really funny and intriguing. Check out the TOC for some of the other contributors.

In addition, it was announced through their Facebook page, so I assume it’s okay to share that my flash piece “Sight Unseen” about a monster in a fixer-upper is part of Dragon’s Roost Press’s Novus Monstrum anthology.

Look at that, though. A lot of announcements this week of things to come, mostly in the very smol fiction range, but it’s nice to have some momentum.

Also, I’ll periodically let you know that I now have a Ko-Fi page, if you want to caffeinate an indie writer. A chai latte or iced mocha is one of my only vices.

Works in Progress:

I’m still working through the first round of edits on Crooked House (T5), and it’s a little more involved than I anticipated. The first quarter involved a lot of cuts, but I haven’t needed as many in the second and third quarter. If I add anything significant, it’ll be in this third quarter or the fourth. I’m still weighing whether it’s necessary. I might just finish out this edit, then come back to add as needed.

I have one small short story to write between editing rounds. Then I’ll dive back in for the polishing pre-professional edit, which I hope moves a little more quickly.

Books I’m Reading:

IT by Stephen King
Nightbitch by Rachel Yoder
Discount Armageddon by Seanan McGuire

Music I’m Listening To:

Sara Bareilles randomizer
Apocalypse and Chill by Delain
Arcadia by Eurielle
Arcadia by Lily Kershaw
Arrival soundtrack
Beauty and the Beast Broadway soundtrack
A Bit o’ This & That by Emilie Autumn
The Black Halo by Kamelot
Born This Way by Lady Gaga
Bram Stoker’s Dracula soundtrack
Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson

Things I’m Watching:

Scream series (finished)
CSI series
CSI:Miami series
Great British Baking Show: Junior Bake-Off series
Blacklist series (finished)
Black Butler series (finished)
Young Sheldon series (caught up)
Not Dead Yet series
The Huntsman: Winter War movie
Disenchanted movie
Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie

Poem of the Week:

hysteria
from the same root
as hysterectomy
defect of the uterus
emotional fit
of a tilted fist
abdominal dissension
no more trustworthy
than upset stomach
irrational these
emotional outbursts
with raised fists
and defections
vestigial as
appendices
post-appendectomy
can’t live with them
can’t live without them
and they can’t live without us
am I right
one root to another
what lunacy to need
lunatics
or leave them
to tidal devices
varied and variable
ephemeral as moonbeams
do what we can
as rational men
to ignore

The Worms are Coming: Friday Update

28 Friday Jul 2023

Posted by amandamblake in A Few Thoughts, Poetry, Writing

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Tags

acceptance, bathroom horror, books I'm reading, drip, horror poem, insomnia, music I'm listening to, poem of the week, rejection, that old house the bathroom anthology, voices of the mausoleum, writer life

Photo by Egor Kamelev on Pexels.com

News:

My story “Drip” is featured in That Old House: The Bathroom, which is a collection of stories that take place in a bathroom. One of the requirements of the call was that there be no gross horror, so it won’t be that sort of horror. I actually made a point to write Drip in a more poetic style, because there’s beauty in bathrooms, too.

Right now, it’s only available as e-book, because Ingram Spark is throttling indie publishers everywhere, slowing down to a bloody crawl and being pissants with their customer service. I don’t even use them, and I’m pissed. Like, I’m sorry, do you want Amazon to be the only game in town?

Hopefully, the paperback will be available soon.

After such a great last week with some dream acceptances, this week had a few gut punches (although one of those gut punches came in the form of a great personal rejection).

My acceptance rate right now is about ten percent of what I submit, which doesn’t seem to be atypical, and most of it flash/near-flash length for lower pay. There’s no guarantees, there’s no coasting, at least not for me at this time. Ninety percent rejection is just part of the game, and it doesn’t bother me much anymore. I give myself up to thirty minutes of mourning. Then I take what didn’t work for one publisher and try to figure out who to send it to next. One of those rejected pieces was already marked for another market if it didn’t make it.

Some writers simultaneously submit, and maybe that would make more business sense, but it seems a bit of a gamble for me, especially if you sim sub for drastically different pay rates and the lower pay rate accepts it first, but you don’t know if the other market will accept it at all. I’d rather just write a lot and send things out one at a time so I know exactly what I’m getting into.

Works in Progress:

I finished writing and editing the last patch of short stories for some August submission calls.

Now I’m a chapter into my first of two edits on Crooked House (Thorns 5), which I need to send my editors in August. It’s the shortest of the Thorns novel, which doesn’t mean it’s short. I do love the process of cutting a novel, though, even more than short stories.

After Crooked House, I’ll tackle the double edits of a short novel/novella, which will include a slight rewrite. But that won’t be for a bit, since Crooked House will take up a lot of time.

Books I’m Reading:

IT by Stephen King
Nightbitch by Rachel Yoder
Discount Armageddon by Seanan McGuire

Music I’m Listening To:

American Idol cover singles
All I Ever Wanted by Kelly Clarkson
All of Me by Mandy Harvey
“Mystery” by Hugh Laurie

Things I’m Watching:

Scream series
CSI series
Great British Baking Show: Junior Bake-Off series
Blacklist series
Young Sheldon series
Triangle movie
Snow White and the Huntsman movie
Old movie

Poem of the Week:

i don’t think i ask for much
cool sheets and empty room
empty bed under the covers
until my toes wiggle not
scrabble against the fitted

a long sleep in a cold room
cold cold empty empty room
cold cold empty empty dreams
not a single scream in the dark
or in the sweat-stained tangle
of the desperate savior of a dawn

every night i am denied
every night i am pursued
every night the darkness writhes
with shadow and blacklight forms
floating in the air in my eye
i am why we can’t have nice things

Friday Update

21 Friday Jul 2023

Posted by amandamblake in Uncategorized, Writing

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Tags

acceptance, editing, flash poetry, horror, queer saints volume II, short story, wip, witchcraft

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

News:

I’ve been trying to figure out how to use this site, since I’m not much for writing articles unless inspiration hits me over the head with a mace, and I’ve set aside lyrics for poetry lately. I think I’ll try this weekly round-up so that it doesn’t just feel like a promotional machine.

This week, I received two eagerly anticipated acceptances, but I won’t be able to talk about them until the table of contents is officially released. After a rash of rejections, it’s been a real ego boost to get some good news. I’ve actually had some good rejections, too—short-listed but not quite right, personalized notes. A lot of ‘always the bridesmaid, but never the bride.’ It’s nice to blush.

However, what I can tell you is that I’ve been accepted in a dream market, Medusa Publishing Haus’s Queer Saints Volume II. The idea behind the anthologies is that queer people are allowed to be messy, unpleasant, and downright villains, instead of having to be the Good Queer with healthy, idealized (read: unrealistic) relationships.

I submitted to the first volume with no luck, but I’m thrilled to be part of the second volume. The story, “Caregiver,” centers an estranged adult child returning home to take care of their aging parent. It was a really rough one to write, with nothing supernatural to filter the bad feelings, so you probably won’t enjoy it, but perhaps you’ll be moved. QSII comes out on Halloween 2023. If you go to the link above, you’ll see the rest of the TOC and story descriptions. I think this is going to be a helluvan anthology.

In addition, my short story, “A Bladder Full,” is part of the Crystal Lake Publishing Shallow Waters flash fiction contest, with the theme of Time Anomaly. So I wrote my absolute worst nightmare of not being able to find a bathroom when I need to pee, then made it worse. I share it now instead of next week because I think voting starts next week and ends Friday morning. The stories aren’t free to read, but I consider the $5/month tier worth reading a short anthology of horror flash every month.

Works in Progress:

Earlier this week, I finished the arrangement and editing of the horror short story/poetry collection that I’ve been working on since Fall 2021 (but mostly the last six months). The indie press call I finished it for isn’t until October, but it’s good to get it done early, since I don’t know when I’m going back to work. And before that, I finished the edits on a very short horror novel, so I’ve got two manuscripts prepped and ready to go for any potentially appropriate calls.

If I have no luck with the collection after a year, I might try selling the pieces individually, then, once all exclusive rights expire, put out the collection on my own. Same with the short novel. They’re really short enough that doing it myself doesn’t break the bank quite like my Thorns novels do.

Right now, I’m writing another patch of short stories, some for submission calls, some just to have on hand for future calls.

After that, it’ll be time to tackle the double edit of Crooked House (Thorns 5), since my editors are expecting it in August.

Poem of the Week:

(In the absence of lyrics, I’m going to start sharing my favorite flash poem posted to Twitter/Tumblr within the last week.)

There is no witch in 313.
She’s just an eccentric old woman,
no hen nights or pagan coven.
There is no witch in 313.

Kids here can be so mean.
So she doesn’t say hi
or look you in the eye.
There is no witch in 313.

I couldn’t recall when I’d seen
Aggie last but kids get sick
or move to New Brunswick.
There is no witch in 313.

She didn’t do anything to Janine.
Forked fingers don’t cast a curse
or compel ravens to disperse.
There is no witch in 313.

Yes, I promise I’ve been
to her apartment by myself.
Only weird knickknacks on the shelf.
There is no witch in 313.

And if you see a reddish gleam
in my eye whenever I pay her a visit,
it’s just a trick of light, isn’t it?
There is no witch in 313.

Resolute (5)

03 Tuesday Jan 2023

Posted by amandamblake in Uncategorized, Writing

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Tags

2022, depression, new year, novelette, novellas, Novels, Poetry, published, quitting job, resolutions, Short Stories, Writing

Photo by freestocks.org on Pexels.com

I’ve been having trouble putting together this end-of-year list because of a deep sense of despair and hopelessness for this future, be it this year or five years from now. I recognize this as depression, partially situational and partially bad brain chemistry that I don’t treat with medication, just sort of learn to live with. As a result, I can build momentum without motivation, and I will proceed with plans made, but God, it’s hard to believe in myself.

2022 was the year that I finally gave up the ghost at the job I’ve been paying the bills with for eight years. My last day is next Friday, and even though it was my decision, I can’t help feeling like it’s a kind of failure that I couldn’t make it work. I suppose it’s like a bad marriage in a way. You know it’s best for everyone if you separate, but you invested all of this time that now feels like it yields nothing. And that’s where I’m mentally stuck right now, although I have general plans of pivoting industries and I have the privilege of a financial cushion.

I’ve tried to pivot before, and it didn’t go so well, so I’ve got that failure hanging over me to remind me that this may not work out. I have back-up options if that happens, but it’s still not the best personal encouragement for making such a big change.

Less depressing changes in my personal life include getting to watch my niece grow so much between turning one and turning two. She’s gone from being a baby to a little girl with opinions and personality, and being called Tía is strange and amazing.

I’ve also had a banner writing year because of a slew of poems and short stories sold, which is the kind of encouragement I needed and tells me that I’m doing something right. Between flat rates and royalties, I made over a thousand dollars, which is a milestone I’ve never reached before. Now, because of PUPPETEER professional edits, I spent significantly more, so I still haven’t made an actual profit, but getting paid pro rates on some poems and short stories is incredibly gratifying.

Because of quitting my job and having a block of unpaid months, I’m going to make it a point in 2023 to write and edit more with the aim of selling. I have a handful of longer works that need to be edited for submission, and I’m going to take my ‘sabbatical’ to do that as well as get some sleep (rest and rejuvenation).

This year didn’t produce any self-published novels because I had other deadlines to meet, but here are my stats for writing this year, not including the editing work done on those novels with an aim for self-publishing this year. Considering I never thought I could do short form or poetry well, I’m tremendously proud of my short-form writing accomplishments, if frustrated by how far behind I am on my novella/novel schedule. I also can’t thank Quill & Crow enough for seeing value and beauty in so many of my gothic and horror pieces in 2022.

– wrote at least one flash poem a day, including a 31-part long concept poem for December
– wrote 15 short stories, 1 novelette
– planned to finish a novel by the end of the year and start a new one, but dayjob required a lot of overtime and energy in December, so I’m almost finished but not quite
– published 3 poems and 6 short stories, with more to be announced and published in 2023

Poetry:

“Goddamned,” Crow Calls: Volume 4, Quill & Crow Publishing House, June 12, 2022
“The Chase,” Crow Calls: Volume 4, Quill & Crow Publishing House, June 12, 2022
“An Empyrean Con,” Bloodless, Sliced Up Press, October 28, 2022

Short Stories:

“Resin,” Beyond the Veil, Ghost Orchid Press, February 9, 2022
“A Still and Weathered Stone,” The Crow’s Quill, Quill & Crow Publishing House, June 2022 issue
“Tastes of Desperation,” Tales from Brackish Harbor, Quill & Crow Publishing House, August 13, 2022
“Lullaby,” The Crow’s Quill, Quill & Crow Publishing House, October 2022 issue
“Wandering Lights,” Halloween Horrors, Black Widow Press, October 13, 2022
“Ragged,” The Crow’s Quill, Quill & Crow Publishing House, November 2022 issue

It’s my plan for 2023 to continue submitting new and trunk work to short story and poetry submission calls, but I’m going to focus more on long form this year, including completing some of my contracted novel work and wrapping up stories already slated for self-publication (with editors already paid for editing work on most of them). But anything else as yet unassigned for self-publication, I’m going to either try to submit to good indie presses (novellas and shorter novels) or find representation (longer novels). I may still self-publish for creative control, but I might not be able to afford to do it for a while because I’m saving for an associate’s degree.

Among self-published works coming out this year, I have PUPPETEER (Thorns 4); OUT OF CURIOSITY AND HUNGER (formerly THE VERY HUNGRY), a short creature feature novel; and DEAD ENDS, a collection of morbid and macabre poetry, most previously published on social media (so I can’t sell most of them), but some have never been posted before.

I’m sick to my stomach from blowing up my life with no guarantees, because I’m not a gambler and I much prefer a sure thing, but I’m going to press on anyway, because that’s just what I have to do and have always done. And I’m going to get some rest, because that’s what I need.

Here’s hoping that writing continues to be fruitful and fulfilling and that 2023 ends up better than it feels right now.

“A Still and Weathered Stone”

01 Wednesday Jun 2022

Posted by amandamblake in Poetry, Short Stories, Writing

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Tags

death, gothic, melancholia, Short Stories, supernatural

Not only do I have two poems coming out in Crow Calls Vol. 4, a short, melodramatic little story can be found in the June 2022 Melancholia issue of the gothic lit zine The Crow’s Quill.

Scarlet Eyes

23 Saturday Apr 2022

Posted by amandamblake in Music, Poetry, Writing

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Tags

dracula, lyrics, musical, songwriting, vampire

Photo by Flora Westbrook on Pexels.com

I made a casual resolution that I’d like to write a Dracula musical, just for my own enjoyment, because I like my collection of them. This lyric has been clattering around in my head for a while.

is this a dream?
or am I awake?
does the lord come
for my soul to take?

the twilight grows damp
my vision goes dim
the sunset downs dark
all I see is him

i try to awaken
but the whispers insist

the scarlet eyes
the scarlet eyes
the scarlet eyes in the mist

cool on my skin
hot to the touch
have i ever known love
to desire this much?

lights in the shadow
salt on my tongue
sin in my heart
yearning unsung

i try to remember
why i should resist

the scarlet eyes
the scarlet eyes
the scarlet eyes in the mist

Resolute (4)

01 Saturday Jan 2022

Posted by amandamblake in Writing

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2021, family, gothic, niece, Poetry, published, resolutions, Short Stories, the thorns series, Writing

Photo by freestocks.org on Pexels.com

I concluded 2021 with one of the worst work weeks in a bad year and started 2022 with period cramps—like, right after midnight. It’s a good thing I’m not superstitious, otherwise I’d consider it a bad omen. I think most of us agree that 2021 was the last in a trilogy of terrible years that I hope doesn’t have more in its series, but it’s hard to hold out hope these days. I just try to take it a week at a time. Looking too far ahead leads directly to despair, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

However, in spite of the tint of my pessimism glasses, I do have to admit that even a year that tipped toward the bad side of the scale doesn’t necessary have nothing on the good side.

My niece was born at the end of 2020, so we spent 2021 watching her grow. I’m neither maternal nor particularly nurturing, so there aren’t going to be children from my line, but I love that little girl, and getting to see her in person and in pictures and video was the main highlight of my year.

On the writing side, the highlight was publishing the third book in the Thorns series, BLUEBIRDS, although that series is still under most people’s radar. I keep at it in case it crops up later and because I don’t like unfinished things, plus I like this universe. I did my first editing pass of PUPPETEER (T4), cutting the bloated 219K words down to 183K. I’m on the second editing pass now and shooting for under 170K words, if possible, before sending it out to editors and beta readers.

The rest of the writing side was a bit shaky. I tried to write the DRACULA reimagining scheduled in the spring, but I made it about 75K words before I realized it was Not Working. Instead of finishing it and hoping to clean it up later, I wrote myself so deep into Not Working that I had to just stop. When I try again this year, I’m going into it with an outline and an adjusted style for the video epistolary, so we’ll see whether that works.

With the failure of the reimagining attempt, I was a bit at odds with my writing, so I decided to take on a novella—something shorter that wouldn’t hurt as badly if I had to stop. I finished writing creature feature short novel THE VERY HUNGRY at the end of May. I’d originally conceived of it as a short story, so I decided to see if I could recreate that feeling in my head. I came to the conclusion after several starts and stops that some things that play as a movie in one’s head doesn’t always translate to the page, because movies can show rather than tell in such a unique way not available to written narrative. However, after the fourth try, I managed to write a short version, although it’s too long for most anthology calls. I’ll see what I can do with it in the future.

Trying to write the short story version of THE VERY HUNGRY, however, triggered something that I hadn’t planned on for my year. After years of assuming that I wasn’t a short-form writer, I actually ended up writing for a number of short story anthology calls. I do have more stop-restarts than I do for novels, which is frustrating, but at least you don’t lose as much time when you stop-restart after 6K than 75K words. Not counting a few pieces of flash fiction, I wrote 15 stories of 1-15K words. Some of them were too long for the calls and had to be put to the side for now. Of the ones I submitted, some received personalized rejections (which is a good thing), and one of them was accepted! “Resin,” my queer horror-tragedy short story, will be published Feb 2022 in Ghost Orchid Press’ BEYOND THE VEIL.

In addition to short stories this year, I tried my hand at poetry. I’ve always tagged my song lyrics as ‘not a poet,’ because I always felt pretentious as hell writing poetry before, although I’d done a few pieces over the years. I didn’t feel I deserved to call it poetry, much less call myself a poet. But the gothic/horror prompts from Quill & Crow Publishing House inspired me, so about mid-July, I took the plunge. Ever since, I’ve been posting flash poetry daily on my Twitter feed, and I found my voice in it so that I don’t feel pretentious anymore (most of the time). It’s a lot of fun, just trying to create a feeling or image and play and paint with words on a micro scale, and two were published in Quill & Crow’s Volume 3 of CROW CALLS.

Writing both short stories and poetry was a bit like learning a new language, and for a few months after starting each, my brain lit up from all the new imaginative muscles flexing. They’ve since settled, but it was still quite a creative high.

For NaNoWriMo, I planned to take a break from editing PUPPETEER to write a few long short stories or novelettes. I had a list of about three or four I intended to finish during the month. Little did I know that the first one, HOSTILE TERRITORY, would turn into another short novel. So that happened. It needs some work and will probably be a novella by the time it’s trimmed down, and I still have some things I’m not sure about with it. But at least I don’t need to scrap it like the DRACULA reimagining. Just another story to store in the trunk until I can tackle it again.

On a personal level, I didn’t lose any more weight. In fact, I gained a little during the holidays. However, I did get off of my insulin-resistance and cholesterol medications, and the holidays are almost over, so hopefully I’ll be able to get back down to a more manageable level. I’ve come to accept that I am fat and will always be fat at every size, and nothing short of devastating illness or cosmetic surgery is going to change that, so I have to focus on my health rather than my size to avoid disappointment.

I don’t really have personal goals for the year. Like I said, if I try to look much farther than a week, it’s not the greatest feeling. I’ll stick with writing goals, although even that hasn’t been without its frustrations.

In 2022, I’ll finish editing PUPPETEER (T4) and send it out. I hope to self-publish it by the end of the year, although I feel on shakier ground with it than the other four I’ve written. When that’s done, I’ll probably edit short novel THE VERY HUNGRY to prep for submission, although I don’t know where yet. Then I’d like to tackle WILDWORLD (T5), although there are still elements I’m unsure about, so I might need to do some basic outlining to figure it out. After that, I think I’ll block out some months for short story anthology calls and some of the shorts/novelettes on my list. Then I hope to revisit the DRACULA reimagining with a tight outline and see if that helps. For NaNoWriMo 2022, I’d like to start the sequel to UNDEAD ANONYMOUS, which was NaNo 2020’s project, but although I know how it starts, I still don’t know where it’s going, so we’ll see. There’s always something else to work on. My project list doesn’t really get shorter.

Here’s hoping 2022 has more grains of rice on the good side of the scale.

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