• About the Author
  • The Thorns Series
  • Short Stories/Poetry
  • Standalone Novels/Novellas
  • Content Warnings
  • Media/Reviews
  • Contact

Amanda M. Blake

~ Of fairy tales and tentacles

Amanda M. Blake

Tag Archives: humor

Pretty

25 Saturday Jan 2020

Posted by amandamblake in Music, Poetry

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

horror, humor, lyrics, not a poet, poem, songwriting

black beetle in macro photography

Photo by Egor Kamelev on Pexels.com

I had a lot of fun writing this one, because it made me giggle and it doesn’t go the direction you think it will.

PRETTY

Do you think I’m pretty?
I don’t trust a mirror to tell me the truth
Do you think I’m pretty?
I don’t trust mirrors, but I’ll trust you.

My hair gleams so glossy
I scrubbed my skin till it shines
They’re both blacker than onyx
You’ll find no onyx stone finer than mine.

Do you think I’m pretty?
When I ask others, they all run
Do you think I’m pretty?
With the others gone, call me your only one.

I can smile for days
You’ll never find sharper teeth whiter than mine
I smile at you from ear to ear
To the back of my head, to the back of my spine.

Do you think I’m pretty?
My heart rests on your reply
Do you think I’m pretty?
If you don’t love me, someone will have to die.

Maybe me… Maybe you…

Have you ever seen a body like this?
Where others are lines, I’m all curves
Segmented, hard, and perfectly formed
Open your mouth and I’ll open mine. Dinner is served.

Do you think I’m pretty?
I cannot control the hand I’m dealt
Do you think I’m pretty?
My heart breaks the same as everyone else.

Do you think I’m pretty? (4x, deeper and growlier each time)

Cats Don’t Care About Christmas

11 Tuesday Dec 2018

Posted by amandamblake in Music, Poetry

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

cats, christmas, holiday, humor, lyrics, not a poet, poem, song, songwriting

adorable animal cat celebration

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

This next song arose from an offhand comment from my dad while I was talking with him last year about not really getting in the spirit of Christmas anymore, yet writing Christmas songs anyway. He followed it up with, “Hey, that would make a great Christmas song, wouldn’t it?” I wrote it in my head all the way home from dinner that night.

It’s silly af, but cat lovers should have some fun with it.

CATS DON’T CARE ABOUT CHRISTMAS

Cats don’t care about Christmas
They yowl and meow asking where their food is
They don’t know what time of year it is
Oh, cats don’t care about Christmas.

They sleep in our mangers and hang in our stockings
They don’t want the presents, they just want the boxes
They bat at the ornaments and chew on our bows
And why they kill Christmas trees, nobody knows.

Cats don’t care about Christmas
They hide and decide that they don’t need us
They hate and tolerate the costumes and kisses
Oh, cats don’t care about Christmas.

They throw up on tree skirts and pee in the guest rooms
They run for no reason from bedroom to bedroom
They climb onto our laps when we’re warm and we’re lazy
But while we try to make everything perfect, they’re crazy.

They shake off the jingle bells and won’t pose for pictures
They won’t pay attention to stories or scriptures
We hide all the tinsel. We can’t keep poinsettias.
We want so much to love them, and sometimes they let us.

Cats don’t care about Christmas
They purr and prowl, kill us with false sweetness
Pretend they’re the angel atop the tree to deceive us
Oh, cats don’t care about Christmas.

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

NOW AVAILABLE

WHERE IT ALL BEGINS

TINGLE YOUR SPINE

Website Built with WordPress.com.

  • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Amanda M. Blake
    • Join 146 other subscribers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Amanda M. Blake
    • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...